Free At Last

Happy Review Day! Whisperer here~

The title is simply worded, which caught my interest, but a bit cliché though. I can't think of a better title though.

Anyway, nitpicks! :

Tonight I prayed a prayer.

- This opening feels so powerful I want to put a space between this and the next line. xD Seriously though. A pause there after might be epic. Maybe something like this:

Tonight I prayed a prayer.

... That I could be there
In heaven up above

- The ellipsis may be optional though.

In heaven up above
Souring on the wings of a dove.

- 'above' and 'dove' seem like a cliché-ish rhyme. But after reading the following rhymes, this seems all right. Also, because of the topic, the words fit in.

There with eternal life,
And no more strife.

- I like the shortness of this, especially of the second line. The rhyme also sounds good.
- The 'f' sounds feel so soft and smooth. Good choice of consonant sounds makes a poem better. The 'f' sounds make it feel comfortable, thus making 'no more strife' more believable.

To him I give my heart-
He’s had it from the start.

- If you're referring to God here, which you probably are, you might want to capitalize the 'h' in 'him'.
- Other than that, Amen.

To all my friends-
A love that never ends.

- By here, I had just started to notice that since the previous two lines, you have begun a 'this message is for' pattern. It felt out of structure probably because you didn't divide the poem in stanzas and because of the speed by which I was reading it. Maybe it is my fault that I'm reading the lines too fast?
- Anyway, the structure of the poem, that is, having no stanzas, makes me tend to read it fast. Maybe it's just me in this present mood but I'm missing emphasis in this poem.
- One more thing, though not really important, you accidentally put two spaces between 'A' and 'love' there.

My family deserves the best-
I’m sorry for any lost rest.

- Feels like a forced rhyme. I understand what you mean, but this sounds forced, especially because of the second line. It doesn't have good rhythm. You might want to improve this part. (Sorry for not having a suggestion. )

I know you always said to keep trying,
But that’s so hard when all you can think about is dying.

- This is relatable, and the rhyming works well. A bit cliché though.

I didn’t mean to give up.
It just wasn’t supposed to be this tough.

- The rhyme seems forced, but I'm just gonna ignore this. xD

Slowly but surely I got trapped in the sadness-
That eventually fed my madness.

- These lines give me a bit of imagery here. I unnoticeably seem to have been missing imagery before these lines though.

Don’t worry about my soul-
It has paid its toll.

- This works well because you have used the 'toll' idea earlier in the poem. It gives good emphasis.

Don’t worry about me,
I am finally free.

- This ending is fine. And here, the title is justified. Again though, this seems cliché.



This poem is nice overall. I'm gonna give it a like. The meaning is nice and the wording makes the poem easily readable and relatable. Sometimes though, this much simplicity in wording can seem 'too simple' and cliché like what I kept on reiterating, sorry. You might want to play more with words so that your poems will be a little more poetic. I'm not saying that you should get too flowery though. I think what I'm trying to say is that you should try using words that show imagery. Imagery makes things a lot better, trust me.

About the structure of the poem... when I first saw the poem, I didn't like the 'structure'. I mean, I'm not really fond of long, continuous poems without breaks. It makes me tend to read fast like what I said earlier. lol But perhaps it indeed is just me. Pause seems missing though. But you got the punctuation right. Probably my mind was just ignoring them. lol Bah! I'm blabbering.

Anyway, like I said, this is a nice poem. The meaning, especially, is what makes it nice. Keep it up!

Never stop writing!