Young Writers Society

Hey there.
I loved your poem
1.ur title attracted me very much. u're going to earn a lot more review.[please don't blame me if you don't]
2.I loved how ur poem stayed simple yet attractive.
3.I wanna go jump off that board.
4. I don't swim or never have dived off a board.
5. I loved your poem and keep up the good work.
6.If u'd like check out some of my work.

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
I like your poem. I don't usually go off diving boards, I don't actually usually go to pools, so this poem had a sort of nostalgic feeling for me. But I like this poem because you focus on a topic that you don't really hear about in poems, the exhilarating feeling of a jump, a fun jump, a jump that you love to make. It was very nice and refreshing.
I had a few suggestions, just a few words you could change that might make the poem easier to read. My first thing was in the first line. You said, "I walk onto my take off runway." I felt this line was a little repetitive, since runways are usually for taking off. I would take out the words "take off".
The next thing that bothered me a bit was about halfway through the poem, you say "My instincts kicking in." I didn't like this line, because I don't really think instincts are required for diving off a diving board. I mean, I'm not a diving expert, as I said earlier, haven't been to a pool in years. But I usually think of instincts kicking in during intense, life-or-death situations.
A few lines after that, you say "The arch of a diver sets in,/my back arching". I find this, too, to be repetitive. I suggest changing one of the "arches" to "bending" or something similar.
The next two lines after that seem a little strange, too. You say "I make a smooth, peaceful landing". This doesn't make sense to me, because I wouldn't say a diver really lands. They... Hit the water? I'm not sure. I generally think of landing as being associated with solid ground. You could say, "I hit the water smoothly, peacefully" or something similar.
I think those are all the suggestions that I have. Good job! I hope this advice helped you, but remember, I still like the poem as it is. It's just a happy poem about something you love, and it made me happy too.
herbgirl

Hey, hey, hey Dogs here to review!

First off, I really liked this poem!

I didn't really find any nitpicks, so I will go ahead and go into the part I liked about the review!

1) The Title: The title really draws the reader in. I didn't realize this was the poem you sent me on Skype at first until I read the description, but the title would've dragged me in to read this poem! Great work!

2) Word Choice: I really liked the word choice you used in your poem. Such as shimmering, crystal clear, etc.

Sorry this is such a short review!

Anyway, I really liked your poem and I hope to see a ton more poems from you in the future!

Keep up the fantastic writing,
Love,
Dogs