I walk onto my take off runway,
A clear path ahead of me,
I walk to the tip of the turquiose plank,
My toes curling against it.
I raise my arms above my head,
Standing tall and straight above the shimmering water,
Like a tree in a forest,
Overseeing the land.
I take a breath,
Slowly closing my eyes,
Silence.
My knee's bend slightly,
My instincts kicking in,
I propel myself forward,
Flying above the water for a split second,
The thrill washing over me.
The arch of a diver sets in,
my back arching,
I make a smooth,
Peaceful landing.
I glide through the crystal clear water,
Swimming upward,
My joy ride over.
I get out of the water,
Only to spread my wings again,
And take off.
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Hey there.
I loved your poem
1.ur title attracted me very much. u're going to earn a lot more review.[please don't blame me if you don't]
2.I loved how ur poem stayed simple yet attractive.
3.I wanna go jump off that board.
4. I don't swim or never have dived off a board.
5. I loved your poem and keep up the good work.
6.If u'd like check out some of my work.
Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
I like your poem. I don't usually go off diving boards, I don't actually usually go to pools, so this poem had a sort of nostalgic feeling for me. But I like this poem because you focus on a topic that you don't really hear about in poems, the exhilarating feeling of a jump, a fun jump, a jump that you love to make. It was very nice and refreshing.
I had a few suggestions, just a few words you could change that might make the poem easier to read. My first thing was in the first line. You said, "I walk onto my take off runway." I felt this line was a little repetitive, since runways are usually for taking off. I would take out the words "take off".
The next thing that bothered me a bit was about halfway through the poem, you say "My instincts kicking in." I didn't like this line, because I don't really think instincts are required for diving off a diving board. I mean, I'm not a diving expert, as I said earlier, haven't been to a pool in years. But I usually think of instincts kicking in during intense, life-or-death situations.
A few lines after that, you say "The arch of a diver sets in,/my back arching". I find this, too, to be repetitive. I suggest changing one of the "arches" to "bending" or something similar.
The next two lines after that seem a little strange, too. You say "I make a smooth, peaceful landing". This doesn't make sense to me, because I wouldn't say a diver really lands. They... Hit the water? I'm not sure. I generally think of landing as being associated with solid ground. You could say, "I hit the water smoothly, peacefully" or something similar.
I think those are all the suggestions that I have. Good job! I hope this advice helped you, but remember, I still like the poem as it is. It's just a happy poem about something you love, and it made me happy too.
herbgirl
Thank you for the suggestions! This poem was based off of my experience when diving off a diving board. It usually to me feels like im flying, and its really fun! Thank you for the review!
Hey, hey, hey Dogs here to review!
First off, I really liked this poem!
I didn't really find any nitpicks, so I will go ahead and go into the part I liked about the review!
1) The Title: The title really draws the reader in. I didn't realize this was the poem you sent me on Skype at first until I read the description, but the title would've dragged me in to read this poem! Great work!
2) Word Choice: I really liked the word choice you used in your poem. Such as shimmering, crystal clear, etc.
Sorry this is such a short review!
Anyway, I really liked your poem and I hope to see a ton more poems from you in the future!
Keep up the fantastic writing,
Love,
Dogs