Young Writers Society

Heyo. I'm going to review your piece.

Before I begin:
This is a piece of art. It's filled with emotions and it flows together easily. Guiding the reader along as they poem. As I'm not a typical poetry reader I couldn't help but noticed that this was beautiful and full of tears and happiness.

Now let's begin:
I honestly have no words. Nothing has jumped out saying it needs to be re-written or fixed. The punctuation is great. The words are in all the right places. This poem is dripping with a sweet savory taste of love and despair.

Overall, great poem! Keep up the great work!
☁️SkyJayde☁️

this is incredible. I want to have words but I don't this is honestly one of the coolest things I've read. it captures that letdown feeling so utterly well. it's so immersive and I don't have fictional crushes but now I feel like I have

Hi, cookiesandcream123!

I have been enjoying the little comments you put on my book, I Knew. I thought it was about time to return the favor and spin over to something you wrote and give you my thoughts. So, here goes.

This was addictive. Honestly. Reading this was amazing! Now, I can't say I'm the type of person who "falls" for something like a movie star or anything as I'm picturing that was the kind of thing you were writing about, but I'll be honest; I do think there are some people that look exceptional, and they're interesting. For a while it really DOES feel like you have a crush, as you described here so well. For me, usually those snippets of like turn into characters which I switch up a bit and call it my own. I won't say WHO, but there is a guy...who looks...just like Zybryn except without the purple streak in his hair. Purple's my favorite color...so yeah...Overall, I believe it's just a thing. And I deal with it by coming up with characters I'm totally in love with. And it's such a safe relationship. You'll never get hurt. Not unless you want to be. A friend and I call it "character crushes."

Anyway, that was a long rant which was sort of supposed to be an answer to your question of whether or not you were going insane when you wrote that or went through that phase. Well, my friend, either you and I are both insane, or (as is more likely) this happens to people more often then they are willing to admit.

All right, that aside. Let's get into the REVIEW part. I loved how you were able to cut quickly to the emotion. You used very precise and perfectly chosen words, here. Take for instance this part:

"Yet sadness ropes around my heart and tears frost my eyes"

It puts in my head the image of a heart all bound up in ropes. Sad...the exact word you're trying to get at. And "tears frost my eyes"...that's so unique! I love the way you phrased that!

"These joys, blushes, up-and-downs

Are meaningless delusions."

This part is also cleverly done. Obviously, you've got a firm grip on word choice here. Or shall I call it "diction"? I feel that sophisticated words come naturally to you (or else, you've got your nose in a thesaurus the ENTIRE time you're writing to get at such perfect phrasing)

The way you split this poem up into sections with the spacing adds intensity and interest. I like that a lot. It really separates the really crucial parts from the less important parts. Not to say that any of it was that unimportant.

Overall, fantastic job! Will likely be returning to give you some more reviews.
-Kaia
P.S. I love your profile pic. I'm a dog lover.💜

This is almost too immersive! It makes me feel personally betrayed when I read the letdowns from the comfort character in this poem... it's scary how accurate it feels. I find it really impressive how you're able to describe these feelings in such detail, yet leave it so open that anyone can apply their character to this poem. I tend to feel this way not only about other characters but sometimes about my own. When a character you made does something you don't really like or agree with, but you know it's what's best for the story, it's really heartbreaking! I'm going to save this poem because it's just such a beautiful and perfect depiction of how it feels to obsess over a fictional character. Thank you so much for sharing this!

Hey, there! I'm so glad I found this in the Green Room. If no one has told you this before, allow me the privilege of announcing to you that there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with having fictional crushes! (I have them!) I have, in fact, blazed the somewhat vulnerable and mortifying trail of confessing this to different professional therapists and receiving feedback from all of them that, guess what? It's normal and even healthy to feel this deep affection for fictional characters, and may even be an indicator that we who love them have a higher level of imagination and a unique opportunity to foster empathy that our criticizing peers may not have.

Now, having said all that, let me actually get to the poem here. Lol
I think the fact that it's unrhymed and not rigidly structured makes it feel more authentic. It gives the idea that the narrator is simply spilling their thoughts out as they come, messy and real. I think the way you give an inside glimpse into the fluctuation of feelings is also very realistic and true to humanity, as we are emotional beings whose feelings can vary from one time to another. As I have heard (also from a therapist), it's a common experience to feel less enamored with our interests and passions during some periods of time than we do at others. What you've written is pretty relatable.

You kind of went off on a bunny trail with relating the fictional crush experience with being betrayed by a real friend. While you made it fairly clear how you were tying the two topics together, I personally think it kind of diverts unnecessarily from the point you're getting at - that being centered around fictional crushes and not so much real life friendships. Since it's already quite a long poem, I'd consider perhaps altering it to take this part out. However, don't throw it away; the part about friend betrayal is also very relatable to many of us, so maybe you could incorporate it into another poem where it fits more distinctly with the theme. But at the end of the day, what you write is your own work, so you can do whatever you want with it, and if you like it best how it is, then there's really no need to change it.

I could work so many other bunny trails into this review (lol), but I'm going to leave some final notes. Firstly, I think this is overall a good piece. It flows pretty nicely and is easy to read. Thanks for sharing it. Additionally, I would highly recommend getting on Tumblr (if you're not already), where you will find many other people with whom you can exchange all the wonders of your blorbos, poor little meow meows, etc. I have found it's quite good for fandoms.

Well, that's all for this review. Thanks again for sharing, and keep up the good work!