A Sweet Promise

Oh! I like what you did here with the rhyming - this was a nice read.

Let's take a deeper look for Review Month ....

Interpretation
I interpreted this poem to be about a speaker making a deep commitment and promise even across distance to keep the subject safe from danger. The way the poem is written is very interesting because the "claim" / "justification" of the sentence comes at the end - so we don't know what the poem is about until the final line - meaning the reader travels with the speaker and then at the end learns what exactly is going on. I think this could be distracting the way it is phrased if the poem was much longer, but for a short poem, I actually think it works in a creative way that forces the reader to re-understand the poem after finishing. I would maybe suggest to consider re-titling the poem to preserve the "surprise / twist" of the poem until that final line, because the title gives away the surprise / punch of the poem.

Suggestions
I don't think the quotations are necessary here unless the poem is part of a larger body of work.

I found myself a little tripped up with the very first line because of its similarity to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star's" beginning lines - I don't know if you intended these similarities to evoke a sort of lullaby effect, but if it was not intended I might switch up that first line a bit.

One other line that made me a bit confused was "where the downhill lies" ... what does that mean? perhaps "valley" or "depth" or "shadows" might make more sense here than downhill - but maybe I'm misunderstanding that a bit.

The rest of the poem I felt was pretty straightforward to understand!

Highlights

I always love some nature personification so I loved the line "of treading through meadows, where the flowers sleep" - I thought that was well written. I also appreciated that you kept the punctuation and capitalization choices consistent throughout to create a clean reading experience. Overall this came across as well-polished and edited I could almost imagine it on a greeting card with a pretty stary scene on the front.

Overall
Overall this was a pleasant feel-good read, and I hope to continue to read more of your poetry in the future!

Never stop writing, and feel free to let me know if you had any questions about my review!


alliyah

I really love the imagery, it puts a beautiful and captivating scene in mind. There is a slight confusion of why most of the poem rhymes but some parts do not. It is beautiful but it would put a really nice rhythm to it with all of the lines ending in rhymes. To rhyme with dark, maybe "where the flowers part" again that's just an idea. Also using the word twice in the same stanza seems excessive and may sound good like "to find and keep you,". It's simple and still gets the point across. Also, another suggestion that might be good is changing the last line to rhyme with the second-to-last line to "Safe in my view". Again, it is completely your decision and the poem already sounds good as is. I don't think I have any other suggestions or nit-picking to do.

You did a really good job, keep it up!

I look forward to seeing more!

Hey cookiesandcream! Aww I love this poem so much! This is gonna be a super short review, as this is a relatively short poem.

I love the descriptions of scenery for this, they are so detailed! My favorite lines are probably:

Sinking into the gloomy dark,

Or treading through meadows, where the flowers sleep.

To find you and keep you
Safe from all harm.

Sinking into the gloomy dark,
Or treading through meadows, where the flowers sleep.

Hi cookiesandcream123!

I haven't reviewed in a while, but I saw this in the Green Room! The title first caught my eye and the poem itself kept me around!

I really like the imagery here! I think the scenery is absolutely gorgeous. Especially the line about the starry sky, then the gloomy dark. It sets the scene for the contents of the poem, since it is on the shorter side! "Crossing deserts of time and sand" is another good image and I like how you juxtapose metaphorical imagery and literal imagery in that line! It's neat!

The rhyme scheme is interesting as well. I'm not usually a big fan of rhyming poems, but I think it works here! It matches the content of the poem well I think! There is something very classic about the imagery and language, which creates an interesting effect! I think that's really cool!

I do wish there was a little more with the rhyme scheme though! Comparing the imagery to the rhyming, there is a clear difference. For example, words like "where" and "there" are very simple. That's not a bad thing at all! I just think that there could be something else to add pizzazz! That is especially something to consider since this is a shorter poem.

This was a great poem though! There is such a powerful atmosphere and I think the celestial + nature imagery combination is great!

— Solstice =D