First of all, I love the title for some reason. Really, I'm not sure why, but it has a nice ring to it. Now on the the critique. I'm sure I'll repeat what others have said, but here are some thing I saw. I'll go stanza by stanza:
"Love Sea"
I feel so lost at his gaze
Tears started to run down my face.
I've always wondered, are we in a race?
Why are we in this phase?
-I think the "started" in the second like throws the beat off a little; finding a synonym that's a little shorter, maybe one syllable, would help with this.
-I think the third line is a little too long and sounds a little awkward. Maybe rephrasing it?
-The last line of the stanza is one of the best in the poem in my opinion.
Those dreams of mine I thought will never come true.
Forever my heart will be blue.
All you've said, I don't get a clue
Is it because I'm in love with you?
-The first line is much, much too long. It definately needs to be restated and shortened.
-At the end of the third line, the "I don't get a clue" doesn't make sence to me. Maybe "I don't have a clue"
Why won't you tell me,
Can't you hear my plea?
Why won't you look at me, can't you see?
I'm drowning in this love sea.
-I don't understand the first line; tell what?
-Once again, I think the third line is a smidge too long.
Overall, this is a decent shot at your first time writing poetry. Here is a bit of advice to you, though: don't feel as if you *have* to rhyme. There is a loooot of good poetry that doesn't rhyme at all or on every stanza. I think it's a common misconception that you have to have a rhyme scheme going on to write good poety.
Points: 890
Reviews: 9
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