Visions on Soft Grass
The shadows of dusk
lean heavy on the evening sky
as I fall to soft grass.
My mind plays a smooth jazz tune
painting for me a picture,
the neon lights of a smoky joint
where the song would be
choice number twenty-three on the jukebox.
A twenty something, real pretty
and a touch less innocent than she’d like
would start to sway her hips unconsciously.
All this blurs as I fade to sleep
because the past makes me weary.
comments/suggestions?
I love how this is so short and yet very vivid and full of imagery! You're really talanted and I have no complains when it comes to neither structure or flow. I assume you didn't "forget" punctuation and that writing without is your style but personally I prefer reading a text with dots and commas... So hard to breathe without 
Giving you 4/5 icky, sticky spiders for this!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Exceptional work! You have a style that not everyone has a special style. You have talent i love this poem. you should start a poetry club and share you poetry with others. This is great thumbs up! Keep writing your an amazing poet.
wow, this was very nice i liked this alot actually, such a s nice title as well (i have a thing for kewl titles btw). i have nothing bad to say about this, so all i can say is keep up the good job because this was excellant.
I like, really really really like your style. I can't come up with anything to say about it! Honestly!,lol
I liked this a lot-liked the style, the description, and particularly the ending. Uhm...no real suggestions, it's just very good. Keep writing.
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