Published January 11, 2005
Watching her hands, I think
if I have only one regret
(I don’t think I could handle more)
let it be that I didn’t learn how
to make magic, make music
pour from me through ivory keys and my own hands
(which would fit far less perfectly than hers upon the piano)
Because if I had, I could let the world hear
the sounds of my tears while my eyes remained mercifully dry
(I’m oh so tired of crying)
and my forever inadequate pen untouched upon the table
I could give form to the many loves so deep
(I want to know so badly if they feel it too)
I cannot express with my simple words
I think, please, just give me the medium I could never master
and I’ll never write a single word more
(because each one would be oh so obsolete)
working title and i'm unsure about the order of the lines so comments/suggestions?
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141,364 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Have to reiterate here - WOW. LOL. Its great. I had some problems with the flow the first time I read it, but then, sometimes it takes me a little while to get used to a poem, if you know what I mean. There are some sections I feel could use a bit more improvement so far as rhythm is concerned but the overall effect is such that I hesitate to suggest any correction. I love it.
I really enjoyed this poem over a short period of time. It was really simple and plain, though. But actually it was a very easy read that made me want to just read more.
The last line was great and it was a really good way to end it.
Jah, I loved it. Especially "...(which would fit far less perfectly than hers upon the piano)
Because if I had, I could let the world hear
the sounds of my tears while my eyes remained mercifully dry
(I’m oh so tired of crying)"
I liked the tone of the poem, you captured the mood well.
I don't know if I can even make myself say something about this other than--WOW. I mean, WOW. To say I love this poem? Heh, Love is utterly an understatement.
I really enjoyed this poem. You don't just say 'I like to play the piano' and sum the entire poem up in two lines. We have stuff to figure out...it's more of a puzzle. You give us clues, like 'ivory keys' and 'make music'. You do tell us in the last line of that section, so it's kind of the end to our guessing.
*lol* I really liked this poem...I also liked your other ones. Keep at it!
Next, you move onto some stuff about writing. I think this is what a lot of us feel, and you summed it all up into one line, 'because each one would be oh so obsolete.' We want to write things, but we can't possibly put what we feel into prose...
I don't normally like it when poems have things in parentheses, but in this one, it doesn't detract from the flow. It's actually very nice. I'd like to say thanks for a bit of change!