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There Are 7 Reasons Why I Never Told You My Name

by confetti

There Are 7 Reasons Why I Never Told You My Name

1. I know that you will use it when you introduce me to everyone we meet at that party. We will both drink too much and eventually your hand will end up wrapped around my waist, reminding me that I’m only pretty enough after a few shots of tequila and a cheap beer. The night will end with some ill-advised lip locking and when we wake up in the morning, I’ll still just be “your friend, Anna” – nothing less, but certainly nothing more.

2. There is bound to come a summer night where we will park your truck on the side of a dirt road and sit on the hood. Of course the sky will be perfectly clear, riddled with stars, and I’ll point out the only 5 constellations I actually know. You’ll nod with wide, intrigued eyes as I show you Orion last – even though everyone knows Orion. Then, after blanketed silence, you’ll place your hand over mine, look into my eyes and say, “Anna, I’m in love with you.” I’ll be too afraid to say it back and so I’ll kiss you hard, as if your statement was a question and my sloppy kiss was the answer. You’ll drop me off at home sometime past midnight and those words will run through my mind on an endless loop until sleep wraps me in its gentle embrace.

3. You will turn it into some stupid nickname that you think is clever. Believe me, I’ll hate that nickname and there will be times when I beg you to stop using it. “It’ll grow on you,” you’ll say. “Like a parasite,” I’ll reply. But trust me when I say that, when we’re no longer we, I’ll miss that nickname as if it were a fifth limb. When I lie in bed late at night, thinking about the universe and feeling small, I’ll wish that I could hear you say it just one more time.

4. When we lay in your bed after a fiery bout of making love, I’ll rest my head on your bare chest. You’ll hold me, firmly, as if that were enough to keep me there forever. While your mind wanders, you’ll absently trace “Anna” onto the back of my hand as if it were nothing more than a pattern. Years later, I’ll still feel my name being traced across the bones of my wrist and I won’t be able to erase the four letters you etched into my skin like an invisible tattoo.

5. You will want to change it, but my answer will be no. Trust me when I say, it will be so hard to look into your eyes, blue and shining with everything you think our future will be, and tell you no. Even harder will be watching you pick yourself up from your knee and slowly slip the little black box back into your pocket. Then there will be more questions – why not? I thought you loved me? Then, broken dishes. Slammed doors. Muddled futures.

6. It would become the last word I hear you say when you leave. “Goodbye, Anna.” I don’t know when it will be and I don’t know why, but a day will come when you decide you’ve had enough of me. You’ll pack up everything you own and walk right out of my life faster than you came in. And when I’m curled up in bed for the next week, slowly but surely trying to put my life back together like a puzzle missing the corner piece, my name will echo off the dark red walls of our bedroom. I’ll hear the last time you said my name so often that it will never sound right on anyone else’s lips.

7. And lastly because I know it’s far more likely that my name will never come to mean anything to you at all. It will never be a dream-soaked sigh between the covers at night. You’ll never whisper it into my ear, drenched with desire. It will never be the venom you spit at me during a fight that ends with the sound of a slamming door and the burn of whiskey in your throat. It will never feel like a hard kick in the ribs, but it will also never be thrown into the song verses you belt out as we drive through downtown in the middle of the day, listening to the rush of traffic and the quiet hum of Elton John on the radio. And that would be worst of all.

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93 Reviews

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Reviews: 93

Thu Feb 04, 2016 11:40 pm
Lefty says...

This was really beautifully written. It was deep and beautiful and wonderful and tragic all at the same time. I really loved this. Just really... great job. <3

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Points: 300
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Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:12 am
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Oviodiete says...

This is truly intriguing and enthralling.
I loved it so much. It is such a nice piece, keep it up....

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152 Reviews

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Reviews: 152

Thu Jul 30, 2015 5:17 am
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ChimeraMania says...

Confetti!! I throw your name at this wonderful piece of artwork. Although I'm mad at five and sad at seven, I will still throw your name at it. Amazing.

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107 Reviews

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Reviews: 107

Wed Jul 29, 2015 3:35 pm
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Persistence wrote a review...

There Are 7 Stages Of How I Read This Short Story

1. So, it is one of THOSE stories. My eyes will be as dry as desert sand, this I promise.

2. Five constellations? That's two more than I know, so it's not that few. Why am I still reading this?

3. "Come on, if you don't like it, maybe it will grow on you." Shut up Brain! It won't!

4. Hah! It's "lie in your bed", not "lay". Take that, Brain! I have to read on. Not because it's touching or anything, I just need to find any more mistakes like this one.

5. How can you change someone's name? "She is declining a marriage proposal." I knew that, Brain, shut up! "Yeah, well you're a poopy head!" No, you're a poopy head! "Eat my hypothalamus!" Okay, okay, I admit that proposal thing was pretty clever. Sheesh.

6. OK, this is not entirely bad, but I'm like a stone wall, there's no way I'll break. "Constantinople had a wall... just saying."

7. "What's that in your eye? Is that a tear?" No! It's just my allergies, of course. I'm not about to break that promise I made, I'm not like the guy from the story... "Whatever you say bro, whatever you say..."

confetti says...

This is my favourite review

Persistence says...

Thanks for bringing it out of me :)

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275 Reviews

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Reviews: 275

Wed Jul 29, 2015 3:14 am
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elysian says...

Wow. Like I don't know what to say. I feel compelled to tell you this piece is beautiful. The concept is good, and intriguing. I was close to tears at the last part. That's pretty great. Great job, I'm at loss for words.

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58 Reviews

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Reviews: 58

Tue Jul 28, 2015 11:39 pm
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Charizard821 wrote a review...

This kind of upset me, actually. Don't worry, that's only because being in a new relationship myself, it's never fun to picture the future like this. Nevertheless, the piece was marvellous. I enjoy the way you take the story (or the story that never happened) of a relationship in all its greatness turning sour, and looked at it from a different angle, as if it all revolved around the name. It was truly creative, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Well, beside the whole upsetting thing. Other than that.

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557 Reviews

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Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:11 pm
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erilea says...

Wow. I'm gonna follow you for this piece.

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305 Reviews

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Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:44 am
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speakerskat wrote a review...

I just ... Can't even... :( aww

I should read more short stories

Okay so , explain >< I might just be super slow but why did she say no to the marriage ? Like I get the whole being her own person and name thing but still . And it's her name Anna ? I must be missing a deeper meaning . I did understand the name thing mostly especially because of the last one . Your name is you and by giving someone your name you let them in to a world of possibilities with you . I don't know exactly what to say but I liked this and it was really sad and made me think a lot . I have a pretty unique name , have I been giving it away to easily ? Yes , yes indeed .

Keep it up

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16 Reviews

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Reviews: 16

Tue Jul 28, 2015 1:21 am
Lorelie wrote a review...

Heya confetti,

Spoiler! :
This started as a comment but it somehow ended up being a review :D How good is that?

I truly like it, especially the way it flows with poetry... I was reading it and was actually considering how your life would be next to a person whose name you ignored. But on the other hand, it just screams "Say my name" everywhere.

I wouldn't change a thing, but I was puzzled by 5.

You will want to change it, but my answer will be no.

Do you mean the moment when someone wants to replace you (and hence your name)?

So, the last paragraph is about the way your name loses its meaning through time, but you end it with "would". I'm confused, shouldn't that be "is"?
Spoiler! :
On the other hand, it could speak of what would happen if you never told your name, and that would be intriguing :smt017
I'm not sure I would change it, otherwise it's just confusing...

All in all, it's a great piece of work. This is the first one I read from you, so I can't really tell what your experience is, but it comes from the heart (I feel it). Keep up the good work!


confetti says...

Thanks for the review! :)
(also - number 5 was a proposal)

Lorelie says...

Oh :) So I was already tired at that time... You're welcome!

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39 Reviews

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Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:59 pm
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This was absolutely, incredibly beautiful and also terrifyingly sad. You're an amazing writer, and you should keep writing!!

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83 Reviews

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Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:26 am
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Dutiful says...

this was just beautiful <3

"For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein