Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I pulled off my heavy helmet and wiped the sweat from my forehead. It was hot and made my dusty fingertips sticky. Looking across the charcoled plains in front of me I wondered how I was going to cross unseen. Not even a blade of grass brightened the bleak scene. The charred remains of a village were the only interruption in the black dust. Beyond the village and plains was a river. A river of evil, and pain. Many battles had been fought on those banks, and now the souls and bones of those armies lay beneath the roaring waters. I wasn't looking forward to the crossing.
Well this is quite a powerful opening situation right there. I think you manage to paint a really powerful picture of not just the general tone and atmosphere but also a sense of what's to come there from what is essence just a simple description there and that I think is a very powerful opening that you have managed to create right here to this piece that definitely gets your attention very well as a reader.
The egg in my hand began to tremble. Its delicate blue surface was cracking. As the egg split, light flooded out of the cracks covering my hands and spilling unto the dark ground. I had carried this egg for almost a year, never knowing if it would hatch. Never knowing what was inside the small oval. Now that I was about to find out I shook in anticipation. The light from the egg was engulfing me now, making it hard to see. My eyes were burning, and my hands were almost invisible. As I felt the egg crumple in my hand I glanced down. It's once brilliant surface was now a black dust. The light was gone, and I couldn't see what had hatched. Is that it? Is it gone forever now?
Ok well this is quite nicely done here. Even though you kind of see it coming exactly as it happened there the mystery behind this other sort of darkness and the fact that no one quite seems to know exactly will happen adds a nice layer of extra incentive to keep reading here in addition to the other things already going on. Well let's see how this ends.
The questions that bubbled up in my mind made my eyes tear up. All this way, all that trouble to protect its delicacy and now it's gone forever. Reaching one finger up to wipe the tears from my eyes I saw the plain. The plain that was once charred from so many battles and diseases was now growing grass. Watching in amazement I saw individual blades of emerald poke out of the dust, completely covering all traces of the old plain. Like a flood the change continued toward the river. Bones rose out of the water and reunited with their souls on the banks impacting with a vibrant flash of light. The troubled waters gently calmed until they were smooth as glass. All this was changed so fast by such a little thing. One egg, one dream, one man. Now I understood why the egg had become dust. It had hatched to change the world. It brought back my dream and my reason for being here. Dropping my helmet I walked toward the river. Changing, with each step.
Oooh this is just about the best sort of ending you could hope for in something meant to be this short and I am loving it. You dance around with this person's motivation enough that even in this tiny piece we get a good rollercoaster ride out of it and the ending leaves just enough to the information for it to really work quite well there. Overall, a very solid story this one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Again, great job! [/code]
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