Young Writers Society

Hi, Infinity here to review.

I like the whole idea of Time telling everything, and how time is the basis of what starts and ends.
You also gave many examples of when time is needed in the world around us. But there is always room for improvement so there are some things I'd like to address to you.

The poem formatting makes it look like a long list, which therefore drags it on and on, making is longer and more boring than it is, so maybe try breaking it up with spaces. There was also so much rhyming it worked and first then proceeded then it stopped again, I suggest you take out the rhyme scheme altogether, it often interrupts the deep meaning of your poem. You have some very good points about time but with others it gets confusing so just keep the ones that are very meaningful.

"Time tells

If the heart loves

What the mind thinks

What the mouth speaks

From what was told

To what would leak"

Here i think your rhyme scheme was leading you the rhythm not flowing well, the word leak is awkward its forced. How does time tell what the mind thinks and mouth speaks?

"Time needs time

Why not give time some time."

I don't really think this ending works, it's suggesting that time needs us when in reality we are the ones who need time; the ending lines are meant to stay in the readers head to ponder on and I feel like this could be stronger. Maybe give an ultimate example of time, or a question or some kind of bold statement.

Overall well done on this, it has plenty of potential, keep writing!

-Hope I was of help to you.

This poem is very difficult for me to read. I don't like how you left out a lot of punctuation. I think you should have better spacing between your stanzas so it makes them a little bit more clear. I don't understand why you didn't end the poem with a question mark. It's just really confusing. I liked it at the beginning. It drew me in. But because there didn't seem to be much structure to the poem or even a plot really, I got bored quickly. Make those little changes, and I think it'll be a lot better.

I really like this poem. I love the idea behind it. It seems like you're just saying that only time will tell what will happen in the future, and that all wounds will heal with time. It portrays how powerful time can really be. Press shift-enter to drop down one line instead of two. I think with stanzas, the rhythm of your poem would be more prominent and easier to understand. Here's the thing, There are breaks in rhythm and inconsistent rhyming. The thing is, I don't know if it's actually inconsistent; because there are no stanzas.

The last few lines definitely have a couple of errors, so I'll start with that.
"Time tells

The promises fulfilled

The graces given

The words unsaid

And the mistakes forgiven

The time things heals

And the time it seals

Time needs time

Why not give time some time."
The rhyming is all over the place. First you have couplets, then it's every other line, and it's just confusing to the reader when he/she is trying to form a rhythm in their head. The last two lines are also extremely awkward. "Time needs time/why no give time some time" When you say the word "time" this many times (no pun intended) it makes the word sound weird inside my head. The word almost blurs and begins to make no sense. Kinda like when you say "sugar" over and over again and eventually it sounds like a foreign word. I think you should've just ended with the line "time needs time".

I hope this helped

Hi again conceptane,DK with review on your wonderful poem.

I see the messages you want to convey here.Something that really caught my eyes with an amazing concept and ideas.But,you need to use punctuation to make it flow smoothly and arranged.

Where the choices are made
The options available
The cross lines*
Whence the rain drops*

Time tells

When the eggs hatch

When the seeds grow

When the fruits ripe

The time things heals
And the time it seals