Published May 5, 2013
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
“What a fine specimen. In mint condition, too!”
“ I agree. It is probably the best example of a female human we have.”
“Anderson said we might even be able to resuscitate her! Sometime soon, I think.”
“Fantastic! What an addition that would be to my sociology paper on the human race!”
“Fie to your petty paper! It would get us in the history books! The first doctors to ever successfully resuscitate a human!”
“I can see it now, my dear boy!”
“The experiment had better succeed, or the specimen will be ruined.”
“Mm. Science would ban us!”
They’re talking about me, I thought numbly to myself, They’re talking as if I am some sort of mad science experiment. They think I’m dead, and they’re going to experiment on me…I have to tell them I’m alive! I tried to move my arms to wave them above my head, only to find that they were pinned to my sides. It was the same with all of my other limbs, and my eyes and mouth. I couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, couldn’t even open my eyes to see where in the dickens I was. It was as if I was held immobile by whatever substance I was floating in. It was thick and gooey, like the Silly Putty I used to make when I was a child. It wasn’t wet or slick; it felt like rough rubber, cool against my skin. As a matter of fact, it was cool all over my skin, for I quickly realized without the aid of sight that I was naked.
Why am I so calm about all of this? I must be on some sort of sedative. But…how am I still breathing in this stuff? As soon as this rather disturbing question entered my mind, an even more disturbing one overtook it. How much longer do I have before I can’t breath? I began to panic. I could feel my heart rate increasing and my blood levels rising. I screamed at my limbs to move, to give me a chance to live. Move, you worthless pieces of muscle and bone! I need to get out! I have to live! I strained my muscles, but it was no use.
Outside of my jelly abode, I heard machines begin to beep alarmingly. The voices stopped, then abruptly began to chatter excitedly. “Her vital signs are increasing! She’s awake!” “We have to get her out of the gel before she stops breathing!” I heard people bustling around me, then something was plunged into the jelly above my head, sending a wave through the substance. I felt two hands encircle my shoulders and pull me up through the gel like it was simply water.
The crown of my head broke through first. Then the rest of my head, then my neck and shoulders. I slid out of the gelatinous prison like butter on a hot plate. A thin film of gel covered my naked body, and I still couldn’t open my eyes. I didn’t care. All I cared about was the sweet, fresh air coursing through my lungs. The hands laid me across something cold and metal, and my hand draped over a edge. A table, then, most likely an operating table.
I will be posting the rest of the chapter, and the story, as soon as I finish it!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I haven't finished the rest of the chapter yet, so don't be disappointed by such a wimpy ending! You will be able to follow along in the adventures of Aliah soon enough
Well, what can I say? I really enjoyed reading this piece and I thought it was fantastic. I like your writing style and use of imagery and descriptions. I was able to put myself into the main character's shoes and imagine what was happening around me. You had me hooked all the way through to the end and finished it with a brilliant cliffhanger!
Other errors have already been pointed out, but other than that, I overall it was fantastic and I look forward to reading more!
Thank you. I will be posting the rest of the chapter soon, and from there the rest of the novel. I hope you enjoy it!
Hey colourcrazed! I must confess that I was a little bit reluctant about reading sci-fi because I'm not that much into it, but I started to read and you really hooked me. I really did feel her anxiety about what's going on around her, inside of her and in her thoughts. It doesn't give you that feeling of reading another very heavy sci-fi story --with all those pompous sci-fi terms all over it.
In my opinion, I thinks that you're doing a great job. However I did notice an error --or perhaps I need more info-- and it's this:
“Anderson said we might even be able to resuscitate her! Sometime soon, I think.”
I first got the feeling that it was going to take longer to resuscitate her, but then she few paragraphs below she's already being resuscitated. It might be a mistake or I need more info --I'm sure it's the second one, if not, fixing it wont take you much.
Keep on coming the good work, because it's good!!
And onward!
You will see why it was so easy to resuscitate her once I post the rest of the chapter. I shared your reluctance with sci-fi as well, before I got into James Patterson. Thank you for your opinion!
This leaves many questions. It was good, I hope you expand on it. But I don't have a clear understanding of whats going on. Maybe you mean't for that. I don't know why "She" is being experimented on, and from what it seems I'm getting a sense that these people haven't seen humans, which is pretty fascinating. I love the use of "Her" thoughts, and the illusions to past. Over all I think this was pretty good. And the ending, to me atleast, makes me think she is a baby. Which might be weird! xD. Nice little thing here!
that is probably because this only half of the first chapter of the book. I am working on the other half as we speak. Thank you for your advice!