[Based off of Nujabes's song, Lady Brown featuring Cise Starr. This is my own intrepertation of the song. I do not own the song, but I do own the poem!]
~
Her eyes are forever radiating,
Diamonds and stars alike are shining
You could see the whole galaxy flowing through her fair hair
The stars, purple nebula, and even the andromeda
And it's all unfair
Her beauty alone, pursed lips that always knit themselves into a smile,
Is the very epitome of God's light
She's the human incarnation of his divine right,
Always acting fine and she never gets tired
Again it's unfair,
How can someone act with so much care?
It's such a strange question
Though I shouldn't give it much attention
The only thing I should give attention is her soul,
The one thing she uses to cajole
People into using kindness
Along with her smile too,
Maybe that's why she radiates God's divineness
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is a great way to put so much meaning into words. even without exclamation I hear frustration and awe. You did a great job on showing her character, but I'd like to see more detail maybe you should try a different writing style because you definitely have the vocabulary if you like you may look at some of my work.
I do understand that you used a character not of your own which may have been a problem for you maybe you should try a poem on someone you know? Besides the lack of true feeling though nothing seems to be wrong you're very good at writing poems.
Oh thank you for the compliments and kind words! I do agree with the fact of adding more detail on my poems, that's something I need to work on a bit more. Thank you for letting me view your poems for reference and inspiration though! And you're right too, it was difficult for me to write a poem based off of a rap song actually, yet I just had to try since I love that song so much. Again, thank you very much for the compliment, I'll view your work sometime and try to put more detail into my poems!
Hello! Waffle here for a quick review.
I think that this was really short and sweet. It has the right amount of words in each line, It has that feeling of warmness inside. I enjoyed it very much. As for the song, I like it as well. It just goes to show how good God is! Thank you very much for that reminder. : )
Waffle~
Hey hey hey, ooh I love your username! (that rhymes lol). I'm glad and happy that you enjoyed my poem, and the song too, the song deserves all the credit! And I agree with you too on the song, it's wonderful and I just simply adored on how the verse connected God and his lover, implying that he loves her so dearly, thinking that she's a gift from God. I just love romantic stuff a lot.
Thank you for the compliments, it is much appreciated! And I'm glad that this poem remined you of something significant! <3