Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
“FAIR”
swimming in the pool of despair
they conclude … that the world is unfair …
but not all people are fair (light skin)
or fair (impartial)
i see pretty women; dark and fair
with short and long hair
o yes, I look at them not because they are fair
no. I look at them because I expect them to be fair with nature (to nature)
women, look closely and you would realize that your breasts are not fair in size
do not be shy …one is slightly bigger than the other
men, look closely and you would realize that your testicles are not fair in size
do not be shy … one is slightly bigger than the other
women, why aren’t you all having buttocks with the same size?
the creator has some sense of humour and diversity
i see ladies passing by, attached with big and small buttocks,
slim and fat buttocks
dark and fair buttocks
light and heavy buttocks
gentle and arrogant buttocks
buttocks with diverse shapes, colours, sizes and characteristics
women believe that the world is not fair so …
they take in pills and injections just to change the size of their breast and … buttocks
men also believe that the world is not fair so …
they want to be hard like a rock
they want to be long like a python on a rock
i believe that life is fair
because not all are fair
God wants you to be fair in an unfair situation
you know why?
because that is designed to make you strong in life!
the fact is that life is not fair
but the truth is that life is fair
so in all your thoughts and deeds, be fair
because the Lord is always fair
pawahouse@gmail.com Website
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,045 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hello, Teddy here for a review.
I have to say that this poem evoked a couple different emotions from me. At first it was disbelief. The fact that you kind of address the huge elephant of society shocked me. Not manly people are willing to point blank call people out on their crap. I applaud you for that.
I didn't really like the part when you reference the Rock. It kind of felt forced.
The main thing I noticed was punctuation. You used it somewhat, but you should probably go through and apply all the proper marks.
thanks. i appreciate
How interesting. I never would have guessed there to be such an important message in a poem about...well, butts.
Hey there and welcome to YWS! I'm happy to be of the first to review this work.
I am a poet myself, and I'm trying to get the hang of satire theme. Still working and still haven't exactly published one yet...
You, on the other hand, seem to be enjoying quite well and have a grasp for the experience. At first as I read the first few lines I thought to myself "How can this have a redeeming feature?"
But it did! That, I think, is the mark of a great artist, who can blend such unthinkable subjects: profanity and a message from God Almighty. xD
If I have a few suggestions it would be
1. settle and define your style. In places I can see you're trying hard to keep a sonnet-like, poetic, romantic sort of language. Keep this all the way through by adding an even more romantic style to some places.
2. Break this into stanzas. I've been hearing complaints recently that YWS isn't cooperating and isn't letting spaces show up in published works. Try adding a ~ or . between lines you want to break up and this shouldn't be a problem.
Great work and I'm looking forward to reading more from you!
thanks so much. you are my best pal at the moment. i always want to be myself - as long as i drive home some good thoughts, that's ok with me. there is a lot we gonna learn from each other. again, thanks