On Seeing Bright Star

I thirst for something
Not of three forms,
Liquid, ice, or vapor,
But something less commonplace
And more rare, more filled with truth
Than any scientific method can procure

I hunger for something
Not substances for the body,
But nourishment for the soul.

I long for something
And though I can name it in plain words,
I cannot explain it.
Nor comprehend my heart's aching for it,
Its need for it, nor its hopes.

I fear something
That these hopes, so longed for,
shall never come to pass.
That they are but fantasies,
Woven in a child's dreams

Dreams of love and rapture
That are obtained never,
Or with such a price
That would make a poet's pen soar for years to come.

And still, I thirst.

Comments & reviews · 2
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McMourning
Review

Hi.

And though I can name it in plain words,
I cannot explain it.

Love this line, because it's true.

I think that everything here is well written. The only thing I dislike is "Not of three forms." It doesn't sound right to my ear. Maybe you could just say:
I thirst for something
Not liquid, ice, nor vapor,
But something less commonplace


--McMourning

User avatar
IamArt
Comment

I like the way you used your words here, I wonder though what is it that the speaker is longing for. That's about the only thing I can think of.



And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley