Published April 16, 2013
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140,843 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there!
This is really very good. It is dark, and it is visual.
However, I didn't find it very personal. Relate this to YOU, what is it that makes you feel alone?
Another slightly awkward thing here is that in some parts you tend to rhyme, while in other it is plain free-verse. Perhaps try for more consitency.
Also, some of the images you use are slightly cliche. Try to go for more original descriptions.
Very nice though, dark.
-ED
Oh my gosh this is so good. I like your poem so much. Everything is so sad almost makes me want to cry. Almost.
There's nothing wrong with our poem. I undertand every thing. If you had a tittle what would it be?
I know this is also not a review, but I too needs something to review and I read your poem and was like oh my gosh this is so good so I had to tell you in a review.
Thank you! I really appreciate that. My title would probable be:
Souless?
I was looking for something to review for the first time and I figured that I would look for a poem because I'm a little short on time. I'm really glad I decided to start with poems because this is fantastic! "Like a kiss from a gun." That was the line I enjoyed the most, good job!