What happens to students
between high school and college?
Is there some manual
on how to behave on campus
That I just didn't receive?
Why is binge drinking the college norm?
Why is it considered cool to share stories
of drunken antics?
Do students really think acting stupidly
will get them anywhere in life?
Really?
Was there a rule passed saying
all students should act like whores?
Is it considered okay now
to have a thousand one night stands
in one week?
Is AIDS the new trend?
What happened to trying
to make a good first impression?
Are sweat pants and ugg boots
the new school uniform?
Did I just miss that memo?
Why do parents still call the school
to schedule their student's classes for them?
Isn't college about learning to live on your own?
Is it because college students want the freedom
but they can't handle the responsibility?
When did the word "like"
become the most popular word
in the English language?
Can I go a day on campus
without hearing that word?
Is this generation just giving up
on good grammar?
Has America become a slave to texting?
Are we really so lazy
that we have to abbreviate every word we write?
If college students are supposed to be scholarly
why can't they spell?
Have I been living under a rock?
Have I been neglecting my email?
Am I asking too much?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I like this style .. I think it parallels the style of slam poetry moreso than written poetry and would sound LOVELY spoken.
I love your theme here as well -- as I'm in college (well, have been in college for the past couple of years) and I too am wondering where these transformations come from.
I love your "manual" idea as well, haha, very clever,
As far as strict critique'ing, as stated earlier .. if you wanted to turn this into more of a poem (as oppose to freestyle'ish slam'esque poetry) -- some sort of structure is needed. Otherwise, great poem! =).
Thank you so much for commenting on the poem. I live for constructive criticism, so you can feel free to rip my works to shreds if you feel it needs it. I wont be offended
I know there were a lot of spelling and grammar errors....sorry about that. I was writing on a Saturday night during "college fest." There were students outside yelling and being obnoxious. So I guess it's more of a rant. But anyway I fixed the errors pointed out. Thanks again!
very opinionated, well-thought of but a little cliche... i think this would be far better as a blog rather than a poem... :] just needs some fixing up, and it can be an editorial for a school publication... :]
*oh! and i just noticed... it's "whores" dear, not "hores".. typo error i suppose? :]
anyway, i think the previous critique already covered most of what needs to be done... my only advice? follow it! :]
~bailecielo
Hey closetwriter, welcome to YWS.
One of our rules is to keep a 2:1 ratio of reviews to your own works posted, so we can make sure everyone gets some and the site keeps running. (It also makes other people more eager to look at your stuff.) If you're not sure about how to go about it, there are a couple articles by members which may help.
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Okay, now let's get started.
I think I'd like this better if it were in present tense, eg happens instead of happened. That will imply that it's still going on, and strengthens your point more, IMHO.
*high school
I don't like the repetition of college (2nd and 4th and 6th lines). Perhaps you could replace it with another word, like university or on campus or simply now?
*passed
*whores. Not wild about this line, as boys can be just as slutty. -shrugs-
Should be either students' or their student's.
*without
*abbreviate
Oh, irony. xD I do like this line, though.
Anyway, you definitely got your point through, which is great. And with a cute ending. Although I do think it would be cool if, instead of asking all these questions, you could go through an event or an observation that made you lose faith. Like you saw a sorority girl sunbathing/texting/saying "liek omg!!!!!" But maybe that's for another poem.
I know I pointed out quite a few lines, and apart from the grammar, they are just suggestions, so ignore any that you want to. Hope this helped.
-Mars