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Random Thoughts of Mine

by claire72

I have always wondered. If the Universe is infinitely expanding, what in the world is it expanding into? It is expanding into what was there before the big bang, but what exactly is that? Nothing? Explain how literally having nothing exist is even like, possible. And then, Millions (or billions? Im not sure.) of years after the universe was created, random rocks and mixtures of many elements formed this planet. At first, our home planet was nothing but lava and rock. But time went by, and by some coincidence water just appeared and our planet was all of the sudden able to support life? The little bacteria and amoeba sort things under the water just hanging there one day just decided to "go for the gold" and just move to land? Then, some how these other animals were able to form. Big, small, tiny, and of course, the original, microscopic organisms. Animals taller than the trees and plants that grew on this now lush planet, animals that could fly, animals that could breathe water and air! How did all of this come from nothing? Species were created, species died out, and suddenly these "intelligent" creatures were created. While this species changed and evolved through billions of years, they still kept the same instincts for survival. Our earth was a happy, healthy place. But today, it is different. War, pollution, destroying of habitats. Yeah, there is ground-breaking technology, but you are destroying the earth without even taking a second to think about it. Holes are being burned in the atmosphere, toxic waste is being released into the waterways "by accident", people are being killed by ruthless terrorists. What has our peaceful, beautiful world turned into? What have humans done?

Why are we destroying the planet?

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Points: 240
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Fri Jul 03, 2015 9:46 am
Ruchita says...

I really liked this piece.Its actually giving to us the sense of the beginning. I really appreciate you writing this and the knowledge that someone out there still thinks about all the substances.Its a topic we all should consider and I hope you keep writing.Hope to see more of you .

claire72 says...

Thank you!

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Points: 240
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Fri Jul 03, 2015 9:44 am
Ruchita says...

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132 Reviews

Points: 2485
Reviews: 132

Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:01 pm
racket wrote a review...

Okay, well, hi! racket here to review this interesting nonfiction argument.
So, first off, I just want to explain that here at YWS, we mostly do fiction things, stories, songs, poetry, books, etc. This is an argument really, which would probably be better put in a club or a forum. BUT, you did put this out there, and I like it, so I shall review!
Okay, I first want to talk to you about tone. This debate here sounds very, very judgmental, skeptical, and a not very open to the opposite point of view. The goal, normally, if it's a good debate, is to be open to the other sides arguments, and then use them to press your advantage, or change your opinion. The goal is to learn more, basically. So you want to sound open, less challenging and skeptical, and more reasonably questioning.

But time went by, and by some coincidence water just appeared and our planet was all of a sudden able to support life?

Okay, this sounds really, really skeptical and judging. I'd like to ask a few questions here in return for the many you put out here. What are you arguing? Who are you arguing with? What's their point? Who's your audience? Again, what are you arguing?
It appears to me as if you started on the subject of the universe, creation, earth, etc. But then you swiftly move into the humans trashing the planet. Now, these two very different issue/questions could be neatly tied together if you did two things. #1 . Research your questions. There are answers for some of these, perfectly reasonable, sound scientific explanations. You don't want to challenge someone if there's sound evidence supporting them. Also, readers read to (a. learn (b. for amusement and (c. because they have to. You want people to learn things, have fun (or feel some emotion) doing so and be interested in what they reading, even if they're reading because of option c.
Read up on some science and maybe a few articles. You can learn good stuff from those on how to tie two different points together neatly. You want to lead the reader write from one subject to another and have it be a relevant segway and change.
Also, use less commas and say 'like' and 'so' less. Don't sound judgmental!! Remember, you want to educate and interest the reader opposed to being annoyed with the ignorance of current science and pushing it on the reader.
Okay, that sounded harsh. But I did love this!!! I'm a science geek! Tell me if you redo this; I'd like to see what you've found!
Thanks for writing! I look forward to reading more!

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245 Reviews

Points: 192
Reviews: 245

Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:49 pm
ChocolateCello wrote a review...

Hey! ChocolateCello here to review! (Grammar only, not reviewing content)

First off Welcome to YWS! (I already said that but it's always nice to welcome people)

So, the capitalization in your title needs some work. It should be "Random Thoughts of Mine" instead of "Random thoughts of mine". That's not a big deal but it would look far more professional that way. Again, with making things look more professional, keep an eye on your punctuation. Try not to use '!?", "..", or "???". Keep it to a single punctuation mark per end of sentence. Watch your apostrophes. "Im not sure" should be "I'm not sure"

I would also like to point out that this is all (Excluding the last sentence) one big paragraph. You could easily separate it into a few different sections, which would look nicer and read easier. Even if you choose not to do that, don't forget to indent!

Finally, (Nitpicky) it could be argued that "on accident" should be "by accident". It all depends on the generation. (Our generation tends to use 'on' while our parents generation tends to use 'by') Anyway, this doesn't really matter. I'm (mostly) sure it's still considered proper, so feel free to leave it in.

Loved the story though and loved all the though! Keep writing!

-ChocolateCello (Crisp)

claire72 says...

Thanks for the review i'll "totally" take all of this into consideration

*eye roll*
Yeah thanks Mo.

The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown