Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
It was the perfect day to be starting my third year of high school. The fainting sun was giving its last try to push through the cover of gray clouds, and the wind blew in all directions. In spite of the weather, it was a warm, light-hearted day, and with only the heat of the sun penetrating the clouds, I didn’t need my pink striped jacket. It was my ideal day. Little did I know that it would be the picture of hatred in a few months.
Adorned in my signature blue mini-skirt and flowered green tank top, I let my Roxy flip flops slip off my feet so I could (again) run to the ever waiting bus. I flew pass the cast iron gates that were surrounding neighborhood houses, my feet collecting a layer of top-soil.
Well this is quite the start here. I honestly don't quite know what to feel about it to be completely honest. On one hand, we've got a situation where there's a touch much description and hints at things to come, but then at the same time they do add something interesting to the story so I end up a little conflicted there. I'd say on the whole it does do the job of getting your attention as a reader well enough though.
“Ms. DeWitt, you’re late. Again.” My disgusting bus driver, Mrs. Wells practically yelled into my face. I stepped up to the first stair, letting the scanner screen through every item in my sketchy black and white back pack. These days, when they couldn’t get a military officer on every bus, they had scanners instead. My posse and I totally agreed that it was getting way out of hand. Nobody really cared when some other non-existent kid disappeared.
I felt like the only one who did.
I'm really not sure what the message on that particular piece is meant to be. The whole idea of these scanners and missing children is a lovely component to the story here, its a wonderful little mystery to introduce but the way this person introduces the scanners suggest they don't actually care at all about the missing children but then later it says they're the only one who does care and that really doesn't come across from the introduction we get here, so you might want to rethink that a little.
I found Kelly at the very last seat of the bus. Of course, it was the most popular seat, so its backing was weathered and littered with vulgar writing. I didn’t notice. I was just happy to have Kelly by my side.
“Kelly!” I yelled, scrambling for purchase in her arms. We hugged for a long time, and then she began the one sided conversation about her summer in-what was left of- Italy. She talked about how she had to have bodyguards surrounding her family every time they wanted to go shopping, how before you went into any store you had to be body scanned and your things had to be looked through. Then she skipped to the part about how all the boys had collapsed when they saw her curly golden-brown hair and blue eyes. I fingered my straight blonde hair and thought about how my brown eyes looked especially drowsy that morning. I never realized when we had gotten to school.
Okay...well that also leaves you with a few things to think about. I like the introduction of this relationship, its a nice touch and you get a sense of caring there, but then that ending just takes things in yet another direction via those thoughts and the actual last line there just seems like a bit of a random abrupt halt that I don't quite know what to make of.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Just work on describing the place they're in a teensy bit more.
This is good, you captured my interest and I want to continue reading. 
Points: 293881
Reviews: 4237
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