Jackson stood beside his best friend Sophie while the big boss chewed them out. They had made a mistake. A big one. So here they were, answering for it. Jackson kept his composure and his head held high as the big boss yelled about their failure. Let him yell, he thought. This will be over soon. But his heart dropped into his stomach when the big boss turned his attention solely to his friend. The big boss no longer cared about Jackson. He turned his cruelty on her and did not hold back. Jackson tensed as the boss accused and degraded her. He opened his mouth to retort but felt a small touch on his hand. He looked over and saw Sophie glance at him and shake her head no. She stood tall and Jackson tensed his jaw. As spit flew from the boss’ mouth into Sophie’s face, Jackson squeezed his hands into tight fists. His nails digging into his palms. He could feel his blood pulse with white hot rage in every fiber of his being. The boss was now attacking her outside of the project they had screwed up. His anger rose to a new level when he saw the tears threatening to fall from Sophie’s eyes. And still she signaled him to stand down. Time seemed to slow down as he tried to reign in the fire burning on his tongue. The boss was being an asshole to Sophie, and she expected him to hold it in. Jackson looked down at his feet, his composure failing as he struggled to contain the anger boiling up inside him.
And just like that it was over, and they were dismissed. They walked out of the office and Jackson screamed finally. He whirled around to confront Sophie, “why didn’t you let me say something? He was totally out of line and-”. The red disappeared from his vision when he heard Sophie’s quiet sobs. The anger finally drained from Jackson’s body. She was sitting on the curb with her head buried in her knees. Jackson pulled Sophie up off the ground and hugged her. Neither said a word for a long time. Once Sophie’s tears subsided, she pulled away. Jackson spoke first. “Pizza and a movie?” Sophie nodded. “Alright come on cry baby. We can go watch your favorite. But we’re getting my pizza toppings.” Sophie laughed softly which brought a smile to Jackson’s face. “Deal.”
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hi, this Kahlene. I saw you made a new post and I had to read what you made.
Well, you never seem to disappoint me.... This story has so much emotion leaking through every word! Especially the character Jackson, his rage was out of control, yet he managed to keep it in. His friend Sophie is very brave, she stood strong while her boss was disrespectful towards her. The story flows well, especially towards the end, I believe Jackson is a true friend.
I also want to say, when a new person begins to speak this should be a new paragraph. Also, make sure each paragraph is 5-8 sentences, you shouldn't drag out the paragraph. If this is your writing technique, just ignore what I just wrote. I don't want you to change the way you write just because I said so. I like the way you write.
Anyways, I like the story. Continue writing like so, I hope I can read more from you!
Thank you for the review. I kind of just wrote this one straight through with a few minor edits. Would definitely be something I keep in mind if I ever come back to this story
Okay, I hope your you have a nice day!
I like this short piece. You have portrayed the frustrations of Jackson pretty nicely here. Your tone of the narrative was perfect to match the anger of the protagonist. I think you have a lot of potential!
Just a small suggestion:
"His nails digging into his palms."
I think it should be :His nails dug into his palms", since this is actually a separate sentence and you lack an auxiliary verb.
I'd also love to see a little more details here. More background, more things happening. Because this piece doesn't give us readers a lot to understand the characters. But this is just a general suggestion. If you're not really looking to expand this story into something big, so be it!
I'd love to read more of you!
KEEP WRITING.
Thank you for the note. I actually had to go back and change a bunch of verbs to match the tense so I may have just missed that one. Otherwise this was just a short practice piece. I may expand the details later but as of right now I have no plans for it.
That's great!