Published November 30, 2007
Little doll, all you ever were was my play thing.
Broken face, torn ego, your heart has turned to coal.
Won't you smile for me once more?
and I broke off your legs, to keep you here all night.
Won't you love me?
and dragged you down my drain of spite.
Why don't you love me?
Little doll, don't you know you never meant a thing?
Spread legs, twisted brain, you never had a heart.
Innocent eyes don't twinkle anymore.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,924 Literary Works • 673,739 Reviews
Extremely good
I love the imagery
Whoa...that was really, really good. There was a faint but unique rhyming scheme and I loved it!
I'm not sure why you put & instead of 'and'. I think you should do 'and' though. It looks better and fits in more with the rest of the poem.
But that's all I have to say!
Keep writing,
Ayra