He stands there.
I take a step towards him afraid he’ll run.
He remains still.
His voice cracks as he says, “Look at me! Im trouble. Why can’t you see that?”
I take another step. He flinches, obviously afraid I’ll try to touch him.
“I don’t know!” I cry, then quieter,” I don’t know.”
He looks at me and smiles humorlessly. I close the space between us and look at his chest as though I’m looking into his eyes. He pulls me in closer and guides my chin up with his thumb. He looks into my crying eyes.
"Then why are you still here? Why do you care? Why can't you let me go?" His eyes start to water." Just let me go. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it."
Silence falls over us, and we stand there looking in each others' eyes, searching for the answers to unspoken questions.
He breaks away from our embrace, grabbing a stick from a nearby tree and whipping it across the pond. I'm still staring at him, thinking about how bad and complicated this got, so fast. I can hear the stick hit the water with a splash.
I can feel his eyes on me. I look up to meet them.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, so it looks like things are starting off with a bit of a conversation here, that's not something you run into too often, but I think you've done pretty well here with this particular conversation. It's just about the right balance between seeming like something bad could potentially be happening so that it catches your attention and not being too vague so that a reader wouldn't understand what's going on.
Hmm, well that was a slightly confusing interaction there, I don't know whether this is supposed to be the two of them trying and failing to comfort each other because one of them feels like they're not worth being comforted, or if they had some sort of fight recently. The dialogue there is a tiny bit confusing, but I do love that echoey effect you create with that person repeating the same phrase but quieter. Its a tiny little detail, but it adds so much towards making this conversation feel that much more realistic here and I love to see that.
Alright, and from that sight moment of comfort, it looks like things kind of then go towards a bit of an awkward silence there, or at least that is the general vibe that I am getting from this right here...its certainly quite interesting to see. Its a bit hard to predict what exactly is going on here, but I will say that it is pretty intriguing, this definitely makes me want to read on and find out more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
"Please" He whispers. " Please, try to understand."
What did he say? "Understand what?" He stabs my with his expression. His eyes are full of pain and pleading.
"Show me what it's like to dream like you do. Show me what it's like to be inside your head. You say I don't understand. Give me the chance to." I say. I know I'm adding to his hurt, but he needs to know that I have a heart and feelings too. "If you think this is easy, being me, then you're wrong."
He looks away, as if it hurts to look at me.
Thinking about adding this.