Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Call me selfish call me inconsiderate I can't help my wolf isn't responding well my heart 'that fucking hurts I keep crying or end up over working yet they aren't happy instead forcing me into something I am not even ready... tear running down I can't help I can't I still remember each and every word of that women and I can't help but agree she was right in every sense she was I am incomplete....I howled in pain I blocked my pack link the last thing I want my people to suffer it was dark without moon to shine my way and me running like mianic wasn't helping I can feel cuts I am getting from branches since I am not avoiding them and I tripped and fell through the hill everything is spinning I tried to grips branches with my paws but I broke my leg fuck if HURts I closed my eyes letting pain sinks I know I fucking alpha can't be like this but can a man have a break I knew I won't be able to get up tomorrow hell I can't even recover as I was already injured my wolfs mental health is not good and m falling from God knows where and where would I end up I was slowly losing consciousness I felt someone hold me in fucking sky and fly I tried to open my eyes but can't so I let go I fell asleep....still in cold ass arms which unfortunately gives warmth...and after these many day I finally gave up in that warmth I signed and drifted off..
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hi! Although I am intrigued by the premise. The structure and grammar is definitely all over the place. I am horrible at grammar myself so I really cannot fault you on that. I think definitely breaking up the big paragraph a little more would definitely make it easier to read! Keep writing!
Hi @choclatewings ! I'm @yoshikrab , a user on this site!
Welcome to YWS! We're glad you're here!
I'm going to be here to review your work, but first-- like @Zoom said, please rate this work correctly. It features many swear words that would be otherwise inconsiderate for the users here-- many users here are very young, and it could potentially have a negative influence.
This passage has many examples of run-ons, sentence fragments, spelling mistakes, and punctuation mistakes. This should be written as:
I can't properly correct this passage since there are some confusing areas here. Your last part says, "she was I am". Did you mean "both she and I were"?
If so, this should be written as:
The next part of the story has everything written in past tense. This is improper tense agreement and you should change it.
To write proper tense agreement, ask yourself these two questions:
How will I be describing the story? Will it be a first-person narrative? Will it be a journal or diary format? Will it be a third-person omniscient narrative? Will it be a second-person story-telling format?
When will this happen? Will this happen in the past? Will this happen in the present? What kind of verb endings with you use?
If you can answer both of these questions, then you are right on track.
This might have been a typing mistake. I don't know if you meant to capitalize it completely or just leave it normal. If you meant to capitalize it completely, I highly suggest against it. Completely capitalizing something is very informal and ruins the dramatic effect you were going for. I suggest you use italics, which can be added by putting your word between a special code. Like so:
hurts
[i]hurts[/i]Anyways, this is a slightly messy story, so I suggest you work on adding more elaboration and descriptive passages. Even though this is a prologue, I don't see how this is very special. When the next parts of this story come out, I will definitely come and review it.
If you need help with prologues, just ask-- I'll be able to help, and I'm sure than many people on YWS can help, too.
Anyways, hope you were satisfied with this review!
-y0sH!
Hello choclatewings,
Not sure if this is an authentic submission...
Just wanted to pop in and say that this prologue features swear words and you need to rate it accordingly. Before you publish something there are tickboxes to signify that your work includes content like language and violence. This is the "Young Writers Society" (keyword: young) and we need to give everyone a chance to decide what they are exposing themselves to whenever possible.
Structurally, grammatically, everythingly, this was challenging to read. If you take a look at other submissions on this site you will see that there are standards to how work is presented. As in complete sentences and paragraph breaks. Nobody is expecting the polished quality of a bestselling author. Just enough structure to allow a digestible read.
Good luck!
-Zoom