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Silver Goddess

by childofApollo777

Silver eyes and silver chariot,you are keeper of the heavens and keeper of the hunt,

A moon goddess who's fallen comrades guard the skies and the earth,

you roam free for no one holds you and you do this for you are Artemis.

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34 Reviews

Points: 2009
Reviews: 34

Fri Feb 26, 2016 4:42 pm
mcleo1 wrote a review...

This is a very short poem so this'll be a relatively short review lol. Well first off, I've got to say I love Artemis and I haven't seen a poem about her yet so I'm glad you wrote this.
"chariot,you are keeper"
Well in this line there is just a typo, you forgot a space between the chariot, you, and the comma. This poem is very straight to the point but I really like your word choices, when you said, "Silver eyes and Silver chariot" I liked that line because it just sort of emphasizes who she is. It sort of gives a clue as well because we associate silver with the moon and Artemis driving the chariot to move the moon. I'm not sure what you meant by fallen comrades but you meant some gods I know for sure. But this poem overall is really short and sweet. It'd be interesting to see what you would write for Selene or even Apollo or Helios. Well goodluck and I hope you write more poems :) Also thanks for the review.

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12 Reviews

Points: 9
Reviews: 12

Fri Feb 26, 2016 4:14 pm
EmmaEaton says...

Hi chidofApollo777,
I agree with Harry, you should add more sentences. But, I like the start. You probably like Greek Mythology like me. If I you have a diverse understanding I would encourage you to keep on writing based on mythology. Great start, though! DM if you need some info on Greek Mythology.

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29 Reviews

Points: 102
Reviews: 29

Wed Feb 24, 2016 7:25 pm
harry576 wrote a review...

Hi Harry here for a review: OK first off I would add way more than just a few sentences. It kind of looks like you don't want to write, but that shows that you are wrong. If you love to write don't be afraid to dig deeper and find more ideas, I know that keeping a writers journal helps. And don't worry it is not a diary, just write down what you love and what words you like. I get some of my ideas from dreams so if you have a dream you like or fear just write it down. When you get writers block this helps a lot.
And another thing, you don't explain what she looks like or who she is, that would help add more detail to your writing and people will see what you see. And also why does she guard the skies and earth, was it her choice or was it someone else who completely forced her too? explain detail who she is and what her fallen comrades look like and why they had fallen in the first place. Other than that good Poem and Keep up the good work. Happy Writing:)

She is a goddess in Greek mythology and, I do keep a writers journal and I do want to write. She doesn't guard the skies her fallen comrades do and her fallen comrades are her friends the hunters.

She is a goddess in Greek mythology and, I do keep a writers journal and I do want to write. She doesn't guard the skies her fallen comrades do and her fallen comrades are her friends the hunters.

harry576 says...

OK, that is good. I was just giving you advice sorry if I sounded rude

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737 Reviews

Points: 6258
Reviews: 737

Wed Feb 24, 2016 4:17 pm
CaptainJack wrote a review...

Hey there childofApollo777. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without further ado let the reviewing begin.

1. For this poem, you certainly chose an interesting figure of Greek mythology. There were a few mistakes that I saw grammar wise that will be simply fixed.
-First off, you need a space between the comma after chariot and before you. This was probably just a simple typo, but it threw me off at first.
-Second, the last part of line 3.

and you do this for you are Artemis

I had to read this through a couple times to understand what you meant because there was a lack of a comma. I think the comma belongs after this so now the line would go like this.
and you do this, for you are Artemis.

Okay, onward troops and let us conquer the next category.

2. At just three lines, your poem seems to be a little short. I am sure you were keeping it to a minimum for sheer simplicity, but to me the lines do not flow together right. For example in line 1.
Silver eyes and silver chariot,(Pause here and split the lines)
You are keeper of the heavens and keeper of the hunt,

Line 2 flows together right and I see no need to split it into two. The third line however bothers me. "You" is used 4 times in one line, so it definitely needs split up or you could eliminate one of the "You"s. I would place the "and you do this for you are Artemis" on a separate line. With this little fix, you know have five line poem that in my opinion has a better presentation to readers. One more land(category) that we must overtake. Can you do it Son of Apollo.

3. Now that I have discussed all of my little nitpicks with grammar, spelling, and length, let's get onto to talking about what little plot there is. I would consider this poem a sorta of ode to Artemis, like you are trying to honor her. Let me start with a couple of things I liked and then we will move onto to the rest.

-In the first line, I really liked you description, enough to forget the repetition. I usually do not like this sorta of thing in poems, but in yours it was different and left a mark that made me mention it in the pro section. So hey, I finally gave someone a nice comment about repetition.

-There was actually nothing that I did not like about your poem. Thanks for publishing it and good day to you.

4. Hey there. So you are new to the site. Congrats on joining and welcome. I try and welcome every new writer I can, when I review their piece. Well hope you have fun here. If you do another poem centered around Greek mythology, I would love to review it.

thank you a lot for this review because I think it will help later on, and in a few days I;m going to submit something in the poetry section about Apollo, if you would like to read it, and sorry it's so short, the next one will be at least five lines long.

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39 Reviews

Points: 2470
Reviews: 39

Wed Feb 24, 2016 2:30 pm
LordZeus says...

@Artemis28 @artemis15c have you seen this? @childofApollo777 2 users on YWS are named Artemis, so they'd probably be pleased to see this!

Everyone left so I'm turning this into a writing club. Behave.
— LadyBird