can i break tha heart?
can i slice tha throat?
can i cause you pain?
would you jump if i asked
you to?could you pull the
trigger?should you cut the
skin so deep?
does it cause you pain?
does sleep come hard?
does it bleed too much?
can i see the damage?
may i look at the cuts?
will you show me the
blood?
break tha chain
break tha heart
break thou body
cover that cuts. hide
tha gun. step away
from tha edge.dont
let me cause pain
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey! Welcome to YWS. I see your new here. I'm midnightvampie we a rule to do two reviews before posting. (2:1), so get reviewing. Also, it helps you get more reviews. Lets get started:
I would suggest capatalizing things correctly...thoughout the poem, you don't capatalize anything, and it makes any work look a little sloppy, no matter how good the poem.
The last line is confusing. It took me a while to see that you were talking about someone cutting themselves (at least, that's what I'm sure its talking about). I think the part that threw me off was the 'does sleep come hard?' because it was talking about two different things. Pain, and sleep. Do you see what I'm saying?
I'm curious why you've used 'tha' instead of 'the' in the poem. I'm not saying to get rid of it, I was just curious as to why.
I think you meant 'cover those cuts' instead of 'that cuts'. I like this stanza the most. Especially 'hide the gun. step away from the edge.' The very last line says 'don't let me cause you pain'. Overall, I love the ending, it ties it up very well.
I would suggest using proper capatalization. (I'm just one of those people).
Good job,
~MidnightVampire