Published January 23, 2012
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Well, I removed the punctuation at the end of the line because someone had told me that line breaks have the same purpose as the punctuation. And somehow, putting too much punctuation can be daunting while reading the poetry itself.
Hi there
Firstly, I just want to say that your poem is very good, perhaps in the weong category though, I would have put this in the descriptive category as I think the use of imagery is better than the story the poem itself tells.
Secondly, I recognise that you haven't used comas or fulls tops throughout, was this intentional? I think the poem would be more affective if the rythm was a bit clearer.. so if I were you, I would edit this and go through the layout again. Add pnctuation where needs be and it will flow much better. Well done on this, keep up the work and feel free to review mine.