A/N: Hey guys! Please if you like this story that I am going to be writing, please donate to be because I really want to write more for you guys but it cost points! ~Chey
Cali's POV:
Where am I? I can't open my eyes! I tried to scream, but nothing came out of my mouth. It felt like the area I was in was suffocating me. I don't know want to do! Help! Help! Then, I heard this raspy voice, really deep. Who was the guy and was he keeping me locked up in here?
A/N: So, I decided to write a short prologue so I can try to introduce the story that I am writing on this new site that I joined and please I really need points and instead of writing reviews, I want to know if you like the story and by doing that, if you donate I will know that you like the story! Thx! ~Chey
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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137,681 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, when you say short prologue, this has to be one of the shortest that I've ever run into here...well, let's see if it manages to be as effective as it is short here. At first glance it does certainly seem quite mysterious there, you do get a feeling that something dangerous is happening here and that's definitely a pretty good sign for the prologue here.
It appears this is someone that's trapped somehow, either being kidnapped or something along those lines which is intriguing by itself but there also seems to be a general sense of this person not knowing who they are....which definitely deepens the mystery quite a bit here.
Add to that the fact that it looks like this person is being held captive in a pretty bad area judging by the feeling of suffocation within it, well, it appears we've got ourselves quite a situation here in this prologue. On the a pretty solid prologue here despite its size. I actually think it does manage to do its job in just those four short lines. It seems like the type of story that I would read at any rate.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This makes me curious as to what happened before. What did the voice say exactly? There are so many unanswered questions to this short little excerpt. I hope you get enough points to write with because this is quite interesting, not to mention mysterious. And one quick question. Are her eyes stuck shut with duck tape? Anyways this looks interesting and i cannot wait to read more about it
Hey, cheymarie828,
I like the prologue because of the suspense you left at the end of the prologue.
I literally questioned myself for example "what happened to Cali?" etc.. etc..
The last sentence is a sentence fragment.
It should be "Who was that guy and why was he keeping me locked up in here?"
Other than that, keep up the good work! <3
-K
It's good, but the A/Ns confused me, try separating them a bit more? Italicize them, or whatever. Also, another thing is that it's sooo short. Try being more descriptive, and lengthen it up a bit. Otherwise, it's great! Do you know who the pairing are?
I can't wait to read more, also, I'm recommending it to my sister. All she reads s 1D fanfics ;D
thx i was going to revise it but i cant open it anymore how do i fix it ? lol
Over to the right when you view the work, it should say 'Edit Work,' though you might have to scroll a bit ^^