I was not a Christen, and hence I did not celebrate Christmas; but there was something about the month of December that I did like. You could always grab something from good literature and into your bed you could enjoy it with silence and cold drenched with the warmth of the words which slightly passed and through your heart, and sometimes more. Sometimes thoughts prevailed, and they made me feel more tired than I was of reading.
When I became tired, a sip of coffee did great for me until I finished the book and finally wished to go to sleep. After a course with words at night the morning always felt fresher – I remember waking up with sunlight on my lips, giving me strength for some work out until the sun grew stronger and warm enough to rise from the day.
As of the Christmas, or any other festival that associated itself with a religion made almost no sense to me – I was unaware of my religion and celebrated each, and prayed all gods (but knew of only one: the one that I was unaware of).
Taflow was a Christen; an old man he was, and wise. He used to carry me home when we lived in village, I was a kid back then (close to some six years or so). I remember how he handed me a scalpel and asked me to kill the tiny bird, once. Handing a scalpel in hands of such young kid was really a big deal; he knew what he was doing, though.
‘I cannot kill him’, I exclaimed.
‘Someone else would, if you wouldn’t!’
His point seemed reasonable; I knew that people were very fond of killing things (and other people), but I did not want to be one who killed a bird, and neither did I wanted Taflow to be. You could always ask a person to cut you woods, or vegetables for food – cutting a bird were a different thing. The conversation continued for a while and, like always, I learned something new from Taflow.
Before that day I had no opinion of choosing either to be a vegan or not, but I made myself one on that very day. The time I got to know that the egg that was served to me every evening had potential to create life, I refused to take it. It is, at least, one thing that has not change in years – I stand alone with a frown when others suppose that for the sake of no sake, life is being sacked!
I used to go on walk in the autumn mornings with him when sun was yet to show his face to see things from the village that not many people saw even while trespassing them. We used to meet a lot of people going to work – they worked at the mine. Many people worked at the mine from our village. They were not licenced miners, but they were another few people from the village who were dragged into the business by some big people who controlled government. Government never did anything for their people.
‘I’ve heard that government of America helps their people’, I looked at Taflow expecting a response.
‘I’ve ne’er been to America’, he said after a while.
Neither had I visited America ever in my life, and I had lost all interest of going there when I grew up and got to know how hard the immigration process was.
Village was a nice place, it taught me a lot; but it was before we moved to a city.
The month of Christmas had different things to teach. I always liked winters, and I loved it when December faded into cold and the next year began with January. It was like the year was flagging for a change, telling us to let go off everything that required itself to go and to finish everything that needed to be finished.
It taught me that the beginning of the change is not the beginning of something new, but the ending of something old.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I really liked the way you narrated the story. You have a really fresh voice and there was something very calm about the way you narrated an account of your thoughts, or at least that is what it felt like to me. I really liked the introduction. Being fond of Christmas myself, I could relate to the reading in bed and wanting Christmas to stick around forever. The introduction had this extremely relaxed pace and it set a different kind of mood that kind of did not go with the rest of the story.
Especially, the part with the bird felt a bit too sudden and like it came out of nowhere. You use the term 'the bird' as if we have some idea of what you are talking about, but this is the first time any bird has been mentioned in the story. Also, this Taflow character. We don't really know who he is. He comes out of nowhere, does his part and then leaves without a warning. You need to make the elements of your story a bit more consistent and make sure that there is a connection between them. Otherwise, it becomes confusing for the reader.
I really liked the ending and how we circled back once more to December. The last line, especially is a little overused but it conveys the message all the same and remains with the reader.
Grammatically, I would be more careful with the punctuations. You hardly use any and as a result your sentences seem to run on without the necessay pause or break. Also, I noticed somrthing else - its Christian, not Christen.
Overall, I really liked reading this. This random musing of thoughts had a lightness to it that is highly appreciable this early in the morning.
Keep writing and have a great day!
"I was not a Christen" *Christian.
"the sun grew stronger and warm enough to rise from the day." this sounds funny to me, I am not sure if our character or the sun is rising. And shouldn't it be "to the day"?
"and prayed all gods" insert "to" between prayed/all.
"Taflow was a Christen" again *christian
"He used to carry me home when we lived in village" carry you home from where?
"and asked me to kill the tiny bird, once." You call it "the" tiny bird as if we know what bird you're talking about. We do not.
" You could always ask a person to cut you woods" *wood
All in all this piece does have potential, I like the lazy(don't take that the wrong way), meandering writing style but it needs a lot of polish. I like the way you start and end with December, bringing everything full circle. Keep working on it, and use the criticism provided by myself and others here and this could be a great story.
Message me with any questions or comments.
Thank you for your help EmmVeePi!
I will make sure that I use the criticism the positive way.
I really like your writing voice. A lot of people have a very chatty, informal, voice..But I like this, taking in count your age....This is very good. I also like the month of December, and Christmas a whole...but, like you, I was not christened. I prefer cold months as they make my atmosphere feel a bit more comfortable, I feel able to get a blanket and hot chocolate in order to make myself warm...Whereas in the summer it is somehow the opposite. Anyway, keep on writing, and i wish you the best
Thank you for the compliment.
P.S. I do admit the how great the hot chocolate and the blanket part is.
Hi! I really like your peice. It had very nice voice and I also thought that your descriptions were very, um, pleasant. I could really feel the sunlight on my lips when you said that you would wake with the sunlight on your lips. I could understand your trepidation when you wouldn't cut the bird. It just had a nice sweet taste, I suppose.
One little grammar issue I noted was in this sentance;
"You could always ask a person to cut you woods, or vegetables for food – cutting a bird were a different thing"
When it really should have been
"You could always ask a person to cut you woods, or vegetables for food – cutting a bird was a different thing"
Did you see the difference there? It's supposed to be "was" instead of "were." That was 'bout the only mistake I noticed, so that means that, while you're human, you did a pretty good job.
Cheers,
~TRAV~
Oh! Thank you very much for pointing out that mistake. I shall edit this as soon as possible.