clouds

text version:

I've been looking at the clouds a lot since summer began.
The way their mouths move; the grand expanse of the atmosphere that makes me feel like an ant;
the way they sometimes look like jellyfish—
I’m reminded of how much the heavens and the sea mirror one another.
We exist in the in-between,
where we stand and do not float, where the grass grows and brushes against our ankles—home.

I lift my hands in the air but nothing is within my grasp.
It’s beautiful, it’s beautiful to be here and to see.
God gave us these clouds. God gave us this world.
May my eyes always look towards the light with childlike wonder.
There must be a reason why sometimes the clouds look like elephants rearing—
We are God’s children, and as the clouds dance with His hand, we, too,
are made to laugh with His joy in our hearts.

Hi cherie. Been keeping an eye out for anymore poetey of yours, and here it comes popping into the green room as I do team tortoise. perfecto.

"I've been looking at the clouds a lot since summer began."
Same. All the time. I have so many pictures of clouds and sunsets because theyre SO cool.

"The way their mouths move; the grand expanse of the atmosphere that makes me feel like an ant;"
Just here to hype of the use of semicolons like an old Classic.

"where we stand and do not float, where the grass grows and brushes against our ankles—home."
Hmmm. I think home is supposed to hit a but harder here, but using an em dash instead of a period and putting home on a new line really took away the perceived impact.

"May my eyes always look towards the light with childlike wonder."
I do be feeling this way about a lot of random things recently. Like at work, someone drew a raccoon on a big trash shuttle, and it was so cute and little, and will be destroyed soon, but that just made it more memorable to me. Little bits of humanity sprinkled out.

"There must be a reason why sometimes the clouds look like elephants rearing—
We are God’s children,"
For all of the poem, you have followed pretty normal grammatical rules, so using an em dash and then still capitalizing the next line feels a bit weird to me.

Overall, I love the simplicity of this poem. it isnt about tragedy or qorld-ending events, just a good reminder to keep a weather eye for the quieter things in life that can bring so much joy

~Messy

Gut wrenching poetry is good but we need more of such feel good and simple joy poetry <3

Hello,

I am not a religious person but I respect the meaning of this work. I find the poem to have wondering lines that really make me feel a sense of admiration for your craft, such as the line:

The way their mouths move; the grand expanse of the atmosphere that makes me feel like an ant;
the way they sometimes look like jellyfish—

I think what could possibly improve it is to remove some of the I's, and just in general eliminate the first person POV.

For example the line: I've been looking at the clouds a lot since summer began
Maybe: Summer Clouds float higher; the air warm pushing them closer to heaven

And we can continue:

The way their mouths move...

Beauitful yes... But with poetry--as far as I know--is better when terse.

So Maybe: Their mouths move; a grand expanse of atmosphere, making us below small as ants.

They sway like Jellyfish--

heaven and sea melding together,

Existence in the in-between.

Basically you want to make sure you are getting more of a punch with less words. And keep the POV expansive--

Like your clouds:)