Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this is a horrifying scene to start off with. There's no doubt why those memories would be as fuzzy as they are. No one would want to recall the horrifying series of events that would lead to a scene like the one below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
There was not much to my life that I remember or remember clearly. Especially before I moved in with my foster family. The only key I have to unlock my past is a locket. Just a plan old silver locket that had some words on it that I didn’t know then. La Oen Ba De Com. If only I knew what those words meant back then, maybe I would be able to change the past and maybe my future. I thought that maybe my birth family gave it to me before they gave me away. That to me was some sort of way they told me they loved me.
My memories of life really didn’t start until I was six, when I was adopted by the Halters. I had a new mother, a father, and also an older sister. What else could I ask for? I was finally happy, or so I thought.
Hmm, I feel like this isn't quite going to work out as a prologue, this would look much better and work quite well as just the start of that first chapter honestly. Its a nice balance of backstory without dipping too far into infodumpynes but as a prologue, this is too short to really stand on its own in this manner.
Sitting up in my room, scared, holding my bear. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I heard Mama screaming "no more." The floor and walls were shaking. Daddy yelling "SHUT UP BITCH!" My door swung open. Becky came in and grabs my arm. "Come on Amania, lets go play a game." She took me to the attic and told me not to speak. We've played this game before. I was really good. Becky always got caught. Suddenly Becky grabbed me closer to her and put her hand over my mouth. We didn’t hear screaming anymore. Just footsteps. Closer and closer.
Okay..this is an interesting little opening sequence here. I feel like this is an older sister trying to teach her younger sister to hide from a father who is very drunk and very out of control and the younger sister just trying to make sense of all of it.
"Becky! Amania! Where are you? Come see Daddy!" The familiar smell if whisky filled the room. Becky held me tighter. I began to realize this wasn't a game anymore by the look of Becky’s tears. "GOD DAMN IT! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Daddy started throwing boxes out of his way. Becky took a marble out of her pocket and threw it across to the other side of the attic. The foot steps followed the sound. We started to make to sneak our way out toward the exit. "GET BACK HERE!" Daddy was angry. We ran faster.
Becky pulled me out of the way as Daddy was about to grab me and with a sharp gasp, he fell backwards down the stairs and crashed hes head brutally against the hall table. Carefully we snuck past his lifeless body. Becky told me not to look.
Oh this is certainly going in exactly that same direction and I have a feeling this is only headed towards one fatal ending. Well, I suppose I don't even want to imagine what might have happened to the mother in this scenario if that initial shout was anything to judge by. You're creating a very powerful little scene here of this older sister trying desperately to rescue the younger one who doesn't fully realize what's happening.
"Mama?" Becky cried out. She tried to shake her but she never moved. Becky grabbed my hand and let me out of the room. We rushed down the hall. I heard dad coming up behind us. He grabbed Becky.
She started screaming, "RUN, AMANIA! RUN!" I didn’t want to move, but I started to run as fast as I could.
I heard Becky screaming as I burst out the kitchen door. Looking behind me, I ran into Mr. Tompkins. He scooped me up and ran towards the street where a police car was. The lights of the car made me dizzy. A loud bang shot off and then there was blackness.
Oh dear...this is...well quite a powerful scene to say the least. It seems the worst possible does end up happening there within this house and well the fact that we know just how young this child is just adds to how horrifying it is as an opening.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a very powerfully done opening sequence here. You get a rather visceral image of the horrors this person had to live to and I think you do a wonderful job portraying this scene in a way someone that's so young would understand while still making it truly horrifying.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
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