BLANK THREAD

by chazzer
  • August 12, 2010
  • Lyrics

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Comments & reviews · 2
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Abigail_W.
Review
Abigail_W. wrote a review · Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:57 pm

Hi Chazzer! I can find only two little mistakes. (I love the icon, by the way.)

chazzer wrote:I’m a child in the corner and I’m scared.
I am scared.
You’re the lost cause that I love and I’m aware.
I’m aware:


In the first "I'm scared," you use a contraction. In the repetition of this phrase, you don't. So, following this patter, why don't you change the second "I'm aware" to "I am aware"?

chazzer wrote:Question questions yourself


"Yourself" should be "you."

Overall, I love the topic of this poem. John F. Kennedy for the win! I don't think your rhymes are too simplistic at all! Remember, though, a song doesn't have to rhyme to be wonderful! A great example of a non-rhyming song is "Across the Universe," by the Beatles. Anyway, good job!

- Abigail



I think that was when I began to realize that reputation isn't everything. I should focus less about how others perceive me and more about what makes me happy. Because, in the end, I have to live with myself.
— Seraphina