Published August 21, 2011
An imagination
A Wonderful creation
A sense of freedom
It's divine intervention
There will be conclusions
These will give you motivation
Are you standing still
Watching life in motion
Hearing your own heart beat
What is your emotion
Scared to discover?
Or thrilled for it is unknown.
When your staring and not blinking
Tell me what are you thinking
Your mind full of thoughts and ideas
Or it goes blank, sinking to your own peace.
Wherever you are, whoever you are
Do you grasp to certainty
Not to lose your sanity
Or do you, with your faithful heart
Listen to Someone above.
Open your heart and utter,
Your true, beautiful prayer.
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137,956 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
It's Lovely written !!!
Well written!
All I can say is you've missed question marks (?) in these Lines... :
Corrections:
2nd Stanza: Are you standing still
Watching life in motion?
3rd Stanza: What is your emotion?
4th Stanza: Tell me, what are you thinking?
5th Stanza: Do you grasp to certainty
Not to lose your sanity?
That's all
Hello chasingstars,
It should be 'you're' and instead of 'your', I don't doubt this was simply a minor typo. You should change this, otherwise that line doesn't really make sense.This was a really good poem and I was amazed at the complexity and compelling power to read further into this poem. I loved the beauty of this and how thought provoking every line was. I also thought the interesting concept of imagination relating to praying and how god is someone we can look up toward. I liked reading this a lot and I was really struggling to find anything wrong with this, but after a lot of thinking i di spot some things that could have been workjed on in order to create a better poem.
Firstly I was confuzed at the amount of lines in all the stanzas, you had four lines in all of the first three stanzas and then in the last stanza you had seven lines! I was just curious as to why exactly you layed it out that way. Usually poems have the same number of lines in every stanza or they have a pattern of some kind that carrys through the whole poem. It is not often that a poem is layed out like this. I think you should add an extra line and just have six four line stanzas. Just a suggestion.
Another really small thing, i think you should think of alternative ways to begin the first three lines of this poem rather than just either 'A' or 'An' It looked strange habing the repetition of the letter'A' at the start of the poem and I think in a way it almost disrupted the flow of the entire first stanza. Sorry, I know it's small and I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just throwing ideas around.
Another final nit pick, I agree with Sassykat,
I liked the rhyming in this. It added a good rhythm and gave it a fun, carefree sense and it was much more intresting and indvidual where as without the rhynming it would have lacked that exiting, upbeat, fast paced kind of thing that this was so full of. the rhyming was flawless and it didn't feel forced or abnormal like most poems that use rhyming as a language feature.
Overall this was an excellent poem that was a priveledge to read and I liked the whole thing. Sorry if the review sounded harsh or just picky and negative, I was just picking at what I could find and if you don't tske sn y of my suggestions I won't be offended, if you are happy with this than that's all that counts. PM me if you would like a review on another poem or short story etc. I would be happy to write you another one.
From DreamingForever
I agree wholeheartedly with jkr5horses. However, I did find one small critique that I cannot call anything but a minor typo;
"Your" should be "you're".
Again, to repeat the above, this was "just...amazing". Your artistic word choice create an intricate yet clearly designed mosaic of the English language...very well done.
Loved it...
I can't say anything else...
It was just...amazing!