Love Has Always Its Way

Hey, Chances
I'm going to review your piece!

I'm just going to jump in.

First, the first paragraph is WAY too long. I would break this in several places.

We have known each other for so long – since we were kids.
We always win in skating competitions.
A bit of randomness here. I'm not sure I would even keep it since you don't mention it again.
We are loved by our parents, relatives, friends and advisers. Sometimes they thought of us as a couple. They teased and made fun of us.
I would possibly indent here
Those are the moments that I cherish and recall when we were kids.
I would definitely indent here
Now, I’m eighteen years old and you're nineteen. You are already famous -- you can be seen on movies, theater plays and even on television. Your songs are mostly played and requested. You have been awarded as the best actor of the year, a demanding commercial model and a successful singer-composer.
Not sure I like this wording. Perhaps 'sought after' is what you mean?
Yet, you remained humble and approachable. Me? I always support you to the things you want to do. I lend a hand in constructing lyrics and melody for a song. I was the one who cares and attends to you when you are sick. I am the first person whom you approach when you have complains or happy things to tell or share. When you have a problem you seek for my advice, and I try my best to give you a positive outlook. I even allocate encouraging quotes and messages. I became more close[b]r to you and I came to understand you better since I am, most of the time often, beside you.
I would indent here
But these came to last an end when you courted a famous actress and commercial model. You always mention her name, how kind she is; you ask me on how you should interrelate with her and so much other stuff.
Big no-no here, I'm afraid. stuff is a word that should be avoided... often like the plague as well as thing. Either come up with another question he's asked her, or make use of the beautiful ellipse (...)
One day you called me and told so happily that she is already your girlfriend. When I heard it, I was like broken to thousand pieces.
There are several phrases that we have heard too many times. 'Broken to thousand pieces' is one of them. Try to find another phrase instead, one that is unique to you.
From that day on, you did not seek advices from me or even ask how my day went on. You do not even message or make a phone call to greet or ask my opinion. But for real I will only fake my answers.
Not sure what you mean here. Perhaps 'I would only feed you lies in any case...' except even better than that!
Your attention is always focused to her. Since that is situation or rather, since that is what is happening I decided to leave because I know you will be happy.
Why clarify? Just say what you mean
I would indent here.
I mean, the both of you will be happy. Even though, it is hard for me to accept because I have fallen for you but I should let go. I left without you knowing. I have not seen you for a year and for that year I tried to move on and enter in a relationship but that did not happen because my heart still beats for you.
Indent here
So, I planned to watch you in a modeling event and you did not know. The event turned to be just fine. Hours passed and it was through. The audience started going out the dome, then you recognized me in the middle of the crowd. You shouted my name. The audience looked at you, except for me – I headed towards the door. You jumped of the stage, ran towards me and held my arm. The people gazed at you but stared at me with jealousness. envy I became afraid of their stare, so I released my arm from your grip. Then, I ran outside the showground. You chased after me and were able to catch up; then, you held my hand and began inquiring questions. You asked as if you really tried to search for me.
“Where have you been? Why did you left? Have I done something wrong?” You paused for a while. “Did you know that I have been worried sick searching for you?” I can sense that he is you are worried even though I am not facing him you or looking directly to his eyes.
Tears are filling my eyes but I did not answer.
Either get rid of are or change did to do. You need to watch your tenses in general. I can't really even tell which you meant your story to be in because it changes so often.
With a calm tone he you asked a follow-up question. “Are you angry?”
I answered nonchalantly and did not mind what his your reaction will be. “Yeah, so let go of me.”
Startled, he you let go of my hand. “Why? What’s the matter? I think I have not done anything erroneous.
Who would actually say this? You want dialogue to be very, very natural. Add contractions and be careful with your word choices. Ask the questions: Is that what my CHARACTER would say? Does that fit the situation? Does the emotion level leave room for that vocabulary? I would definitely work on the guy's dialogue. It's really stiff.
I yelled and faced him, tears streaming down my cheeks. “That’s it! You did not do anything wrong. I did. I left for the better. I left to move on; because you already have you girl and it is hard to admit that I have fallen for you.”
He
I'm tired of saying it, so I'm just going to point it out one more time. You can't switch from 'you' to 'he' in mid-story. You're talking to him in the beginning, and then you're talking to the reader. It can't work like that. Choose one. I assumed you because that's the word you use the most.
did not say anything; instead he hugged me with warmth. His left arm on my waist, his right hand on my head and my cheek is close to his. “I and my girlfriend my girlfriend and I broke up because she just answered me to increase her popularity. I also wanted to apologize for causing you pain. That shouldn’t be done have happened. Most of all --” he released his hug and placed his hands on top of my shoulders and looked directly to my eyes. “Most of all, I realized that you are the one whom I love.” His face draw near me then kissed my cheek. “Thanks, for the things that you taught me and for the things you made me realize, I became a better man and a better individual.” Then, he actually bit his lower lip afterwards and grinned. I wiped my tears and smiled at him. From that, he dragged me on the waist and clasped me in his arms tightly and it is like he does not want to let go of me anymore.

Yeah this is great but just in between each paragraph put more space so that readers won't get confused. but so far it's all great!

This is my first post here, hope you will like it,..
=)