It was a bright sunny morning. She is sitting on the grass, having a shade from her summer hat while facing the lake that reflects the view around and above it. Feeling the warmth of the sun and her thoughts a distant away.
~~~
Here he comes walking with his collie that has been with him for four years. The collie suddenly ran that made him lose grip at the leash and the collie continued running until it reached the vicinity of the lake.
~~~
Then, comes a collie and huddled around her arm. She snapped out of conciousness and rubbed her hand gently on the head of the collie with a smile and confused at the back of her mind. "Whose collie is this?"
Beside the collie, he sat. The lady was surprised and their gaze met, sparks seemed to be enveloping them. Then, she smiled and asked. "Your collie?"
"Yeah, I'm sure of it but it ran towards you." He flashed a smile.
"It sure did."
They introduced themselves and the guy extended his hand and the lady reached for it. "Nice meeting you." They both said in chorus and had the feeling that it will last a lifetime...
=)
> C.M.B
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139,471 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Hi there, I'm June,
"having a shade from her summer hat" sounds weird to me, as if she is shading herself from her hat. I think it should be something along the lines of "enjoying the shade from her hat."
The title says "Dawn Encounter"; if that's the case, why would she need to be shading herself from the sun that early?
You are speaking in the active tense up until here. He is doing something, she is doing something else; but when it comes to the dog, you change to past tense and that changes the overall feel of the story, dear, in a way that doesn't suit the story.
Whoa there, snaps out of consciousness? That would imply that she fainted or something and that would require some sort of medical attention. I think you mean she was daydreaming, and she snapped out of the daydream.
I think you mean, you're a collie?
Overall this story was pretty cute, but I don't feel like there was much of a story. Instead, it feels more like a set up for a story to happen, but it doesn't feel like a total story, you know? It needs more. :3
June
Hey Chance,
I like the way you wrote this. The plots good too.
the only thing I have a problem with is the beginning.
I find this start a cliche. It so happens the previous story I reviewed before this one almost had the same start. But that is me, you can keep it the way you like
I also found it short. Maybe too short for a short story.
otherwise, great job!
-manisha
Hey Chance,
I like the way you wrote this. The plots good too.
the only thing I have a problem with is the beginning.
I find this start a cliche. It so happens the previous story I reviewed before this one almost had the same start. But that is me, you can keep it the way you like
I also found it short. Maybe too short for a short story.
otherwise, great job!
-manisha
hello there. Jordin here with a review for a care bare c:.
Well this is a strange way to write it you are talking about these people yet you know their feeling not that that is a bad thing or anything you could be telling a story about yourself but talking about yourself from another persons place like if you were telling someone it. "."
You had good feeling in this bit but most people would be very surprised to see a random dog come up to them.
Grammar:I could not see a single problem.Awesome!
Spelling:No problems here.Awesome!
Punctuation:Great punctuation not one problem.Awesome!
Overall Contents:I think this was very well written.Great.
PlotI personally don't see any plot so fare.Good.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
Hi! Thank you for those compliments & I'll use those pieces of advice.. =)
I would like to start by saying that I like the form of this work a lot but I have spotted a few mistakes that I would like to correct.
"It was a bright and sunny morning . She was on the grass , enjoying the shade her summer hat was providing . Facing the lake that reflects the view around and above it ."
I would have just checked the spelling and grammar carefully. I loved the way you created this ideal love story and that a dog created the two characters fate .
Stunning .
Thank you for the suggestion & I'm glad that you liked it.. =)