miyaviloves wrote:First off don't apologise for what you have written, you gave it a rating which is all you need to do, trust me, we have seen much darker topics covered here at the YWS. So please, you don't have to explain yourself or your poem.
Now...for the poem. I think you were relying wayyyy too much on the rhyming, the first stanza especially, it didn't really flow and didn't make much sense. The whole poem had a problem with ti's flow really, I found it a little hard to read with the rhyming just tkaing voer the whole thing.
It's a personal subject to you I understand that, but make it more deep and emotional, it deserves that, and if you are willing to stand up for it so then allow the poem the care and attention it deserves.
Meevs
I do like to take it that way. But theres something more to my poems that people miss. Your right, it should be more deep and emotional.
But, another point of my poem is to make people see what everyone sees drugs as and that's bad. And i want them to go, "How do you write this so casually?"
If you read the book sniper I used somewhat of the method there as the other of that short story does.
He has the sniper eating a sandwich and smoking a cigarette things that are casually done. But he intends to take a mans life. As i intend to destroy my mind, but then i want them to think. If its so bad how does he write it so normally.
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