helloooo there, this is a poem i had to do for one of my school works! since we could write one on a topic of our choice and choose our own style, i decided to choose one about... well, you can read on. leave a review if you'd like!
(keep in mind i was half asleep writing this the night before, and my creative mind was a sleepy one)
A crackling TV and a drunken hand
A trembling witness, saw first-hand
The man with the chainsaw
slicing and dicing
creating red icing
spilling on the floor
of the petrol station.
The glass smashes into
f
ra
g
m e
n ts
Too small to be seen,
But the drunk's sober eyes are glued to the screen
The reporter tells the watchers
to hide inside and lock the doors
And protect themselves
from the man with the bloody chainsaw
because you never know
where he might be.
he could be lurking
in your neighbourhood
outside your house
by your door
under
your
bed
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Nice job!
thanks!
Hello! Maryah here to review... WELCOME TO YWS! Anyway, Congrats on your first post! Really love this poem.
Did you mean to write it that way but I'm pretty sure it's spelled patrol if you mean patrol like the police. Anyways, that was pretty much the only thing I noticed, moving on to the glows!Grows
I'm not sure if this is a different way of spilling it but in this line:
Glows
I love the formatting you put into "fragments", super creative idea! This is one of the few poems that I've actually enjoyed reading (yay)
hey! thanks for the feedback, in the uk we call gas stations (where you fill up your car) petrol stations, in case you were wondering.
Oh, I see! I didn%u2019t know that lol
Hello I’m here to review this because I have 199 points and it is bothering me.
Okay so first off this is really good and I love how you broke up the word fragments into... fragments. Oh and it rhymed, so you get bonus points for that in my mind
My only critique I really have is that I think the lines “The reporter tells the watchers to hide inside and lock the door” breaks the flow of the poem. I feel like up until then it flowed really well and then it’s like it broke the rhyme. This is small, of course, but worth mentioning maybe??
Anyway I really liked how this poem told a story. And yeah. That’s it, keep writing
thanks so much for the feedback
i think i wanted to make it so that it wasn't a perfect poem, so it would kind of reflect how if you'd see something on tv that was unsettling, it would break the flow of the day. but yeah, ty for bonus points lmao