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The News Report

by cerealkiller


helloooo there, this is a poem i had to do for one of my school works! since we could write one on a topic  of our choice and choose our own style, i decided to choose one about... well, you can read on. leave a review if you'd like!

(keep in mind i was half asleep writing this the night before, and my creative mind was a sleepy one)

A crackling TV and a drunken hand

A trembling witness, saw first-hand

The man with the chainsaw

slicing and dicing

creating red icing

spilling on the floor

of the petrol station.

The glass smashes into

           f

                   ra

                       g

                           m               e

                                    n             ts

Too small to be seen, 

But the drunk's sober eyes are glued to the screen

The reporter tells the watchers 

to hide inside and lock the doors

And protect themselves

from the man with the bloody chainsaw

because you never know

where he might be.

he could be lurking

in your neighbourhood

   outside your house

       by your door

           under

                 your

                   bed


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User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 11681
Reviews: 117

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Tue Nov 03, 2020 1:41 pm
LUNARGIRL says...



Nice job!




cerealkiller says...


thanks!



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63 Reviews


Points: 685
Reviews: 63

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Sun Nov 01, 2020 8:49 pm
NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Hello! Maryah here to review... WELCOME TO YWS! Anyway, Congrats on your first post! Really love this poem.

Grows
I'm not sure if this is a different way of spilling it but in this line:

...of the petrol station.
Did you mean to write it that way but I'm pretty sure it's spelled patrol if you mean patrol like the police. Anyways, that was pretty much the only thing I noticed, moving on to the glows!

Glows
I love the formatting you put into "fragments", super creative idea! This is one of the few poems that I've actually enjoyed reading (yay) :P. Anywho, great poem, keep writing!
:D




cerealkiller says...


hey! thanks for the feedback, in the uk we call gas stations (where you fill up your car) petrol stations, in case you were wondering.



NastyMajesty says...


Oh, I see! I didn%u2019t know that lol



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15 Reviews


Points: 221
Reviews: 15

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Sun Nov 01, 2020 7:54 pm
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CreativeUsername wrote a review...



Hello I’m here to review this because I have 199 points and it is bothering me.

Okay so first off this is really good and I love how you broke up the word fragments into... fragments. Oh and it rhymed, so you get bonus points for that in my mind

My only critique I really have is that I think the lines “The reporter tells the watchers to hide inside and lock the door” breaks the flow of the poem. I feel like up until then it flowed really well and then it’s like it broke the rhyme. This is small, of course, but worth mentioning maybe??

Anyway I really liked how this poem told a story. And yeah. That’s it, keep writing




cerealkiller says...


thanks so much for the feedback :)
i think i wanted to make it so that it wasn't a perfect poem, so it would kind of reflect how if you'd see something on tv that was unsettling, it would break the flow of the day. but yeah, ty for bonus points lmao




Maybe I should say something quote-worthy, like, I dunno... "You can only be happy if you decide to be happy?"
— Necromancer14