"So I guess I'm single again." , I said to him feeling a ball stuck in my throat.
"Oh, Yeah..?", he responded with sounds of panic.
"Yes, I am."
"I like someone, M", he said all too quickly.
My heart fell to the ground. This wasn't the answer I was expecting. This wasn't it. And he knew it.
"Oh, that's nice. I'm happy for you. I hope it works out this time.", I responded with a sorrowful smile.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The days passed. I'm hollow.
He texted.
"There is no one.", the message read.
There is no one. There is no one?
I replayed the message in my head over and over. There is no one.
Due to the delay, another message arrived.
"I just said that there was someone so you won't get your hopes up for us again."
Shattered. This was it. This was the moment I guess I was waiting for. This was the very moment i realized that he doesn't want me.
"M?"
"Actually, I didn't get my hopes up again. I knew, no I've always known that you'd never choose me."
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,826 Reviews
Hi! My name is PenPacifist, and I'll be reviewing your work today.
I liked the pace of this poem. It was modern and quick. It told the story without too much drawl and unnecessary wording. The story itself is also an aspect of love no one really talks about: each partner trying to spare the feelings of the other during breakup.
The poem itself wasn't too dramatic; an aspect that l liked. A romantic poem doesn't need to be dramatic or exaggerated to spread its message; oftentimes it is the little things about romance that get us the most, that keep us awake in paranoia for nights and nights. I feel like you captured this in your writing very well.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for your review, means an awful lot!
I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem.
-M
Oh! cedesxana.. you just read my mind.. I mean, I have been going through a similar sort of phase and can totally relate to M... I love the twist in the later part, because earlier it sort of induces a thought in the mind of the readers that maybe, the guy will say that "that person is you".. instead, it just brings down the hope of the readers as well giving them a totally different revelation.. although you could have brought a little more rhythm into the poem.. and also, The Lie sounds a bit much after you have read the poem.. a better title would have just made this work shine more.. and I think I have a thing with title's.. keeping in mind that I too have a lot of problem selecting one for my own works.. lol.. and Thank You..
Thank you, Sharon! I'm glad you liked it!
-M
The dialogue in this entry is realistic, easy to follow, and relateable. I took a look at the last review by anngelalu and I agree with most of the things he/she listed, mostly the ". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ." otherwise, the entry is well done, and I encourage you to add in more details into your writing such as more of the narrator's thoughts outside of the conversation. I also encourage you to write on!
I appreciate this very much! Thank you got the read!
-M
Hello! Here for a review.
The title of the poem really fits with the poem, love it.
I'm just going to start it off,
This was unnecessary, I will recommend using a "-" or a "~" to separate the thoughts. I meaning using the period would be okay as well, just the multiple ones are redundant.
The punctuation and sentence structure in some places is a little bit weird and awkward.
Like here the two sentences would easily be conjoined into one. For example, "This wasn't it and he knew it". As simple as that, just remove the period and the two sentences don't sound choppy and awkward.
Also here I am kind of confused, I don't get what the delay was. I don't know if I am missing something or that it correlates to the sentence above. A clearer way to phrase something of that sort would be: "My overthinking had caused a delay in another message arriving". If you were referring to something of that sort.
Here, the "i" s not capitalized and i do not know if that was intentional or if it was an accident.
Overall, the poem is a good poem expressing deep emotion, and I really like it. I hope you keep on writing and improve.
Thank you for the kind words! This piece gave me a bit of a hassle because I didn't know how exactly to separate the 2 dialogues.
"That was it. And he knew it" was done that way to emphasize dramatization but I get where you were coming from.
Me not capitalizing the "I" was an honest mistake. I was in the zone typing on the laptop.
You said you didn't understand "Due to the delay,another message arrived". Yes, the delay was the overthinking.
Once again, thank you so much for this review! I'll use your tips and because a better writer.
-M.