PUBLIC DRAFT 1
TITLE PAGE
“Oasis”
A Warriors Fanfiction
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Prologue
“Just a little further!” Smoke called back over her shoulder.
“I feel like we’ve been walking for ages,” Little complained, “Can we take a break yet?”
“I second that thought.” Racer said.
“No,” Smoke said, ”I want to get out of here before-” A deep rumbling sound cut her off.
“What’s that sound?” Raven asked.
“I wanted to get out of here before the rumbling,” said Smoke, “but now it’s too late. Prepare to get soaked!”
Suddenly, a massive wall of water came through the pipe they were in. Before Raven could even shout,
the water hit him. Raven was pulled under the surface. He clawed and fought his way back to the
surface, but the hungry black water pulled him back down. Then he hit his head on the wall,
and everything went black.
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Chapter 1
Raven woke with a start. It was that dream again. He had been having nightmares for the past moon*
about drowning. He sighed, got up, and stretched. Yet another dull day of being locked in the house. Suddenly Raven remembered that sometimes his twolegs* left the kitchen window open.
Patiently, he waited for them to leave. Then he hopped up onto the counter and squeezed through the cracked window. Finally, he was out. Now to go find Little and Racer. Maybe they would be interested in his dream. They were part of it, after all. Raven found Little chasing butterflies in his garden. Little had gotten his name because, well, he was small! He was also a bit skittish. After convincing him to leave the butterfly alone and follow him, Raven set out to find Racer. He found Racer relaxing in the grass. Racer had gotten his name by being the fastest cat in the neighborhood. After practically dragging him along, Raven told them about his dream.
“That sounds serious!” Little said, sounding scared.
“You dragged me away from my nap for this?” Racer asked, sounding disinterested, “Who is this ‘Smoke’ cat anyways? I’ve never heard of her.”
“Neither have I, but I’ve been having this nightmare for moons now, and I’m starting to think It might be important.”
“Well, you two have fun figuring this mystery out. I’m going to finish my nap --- Hey lemme go!.” Racer yelped as Raven grabbed him by the scruff.
“If we’re going to figure out what these dreams are about, YOU’RE going to help us!”
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Chapter 2
It was getting dark when Raven and Little left Racer’s house. Raven had been having so much fun, he didn’t notice the sun slowly sinking below the mountains.
“It’s getting dark,” Raven said, “We should probably head home.”
“Good idea,” Little said, “See you tomorrow!”
With that, Little jumped the fence back into his yard and walked into his house. After a bit of walking, Raven reached his house. After going in the way he left, he finished his dinner and curled up in bed. Soon he was fast asleep. Up at the window, two cats look in.
“Is he the one?” The first asks.
“Yes, he is.” The other replies.
“What should we do?”
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
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Chapter 3
Raven bolted upright, breathing hard. It was that same dream! AGAIN! He thought.
To Be Continued
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Glossary
Moon: 1 month
Twoleg(s): Human
Sunhigh: Noon
Moonhigh: Midnight
Credits:
Lead Author:
Liam C.
Cover Art:
N/A
Collaborators:
N/A
Special Thanks To:
You: For reading!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,298 Literary Works • 674,337 Reviews
Hello! Quill here for a short review l!
just a little suggestion to cut down on these but it is completely your choice!I used to LOVE warriors I was frankly a little obsessed so I was pretty excited to see a fanfic! So let's get into it
thoughts
First thing I though is the don't the cats have names after their name like paw or star and things? Ohhh I see he's a house cat oops.
I really like how you used that asterisk to tell people what these words mean to make it easier for people who aren't fans, or don't know the story to read! I like the way you have set up the story it's very intriguing to see what will happen next!
suggestions
So one of my first thoughts is that chapters seem to be a little short. Maybe you could think about condensing them into one shapter instead of deviding then every few lines. Or you could also expand each chapter to hold more, maybe a bit if both!
On more of a bit pickey note I am confused on the double spaces between sentences and even words being used so much like here
I would really love some more discription that explains the story! It would add some depth to the character and help you fill out chapters, but again, completely your choice!
conclusion
The story has a really cool beginning and I can wait to see more! Really reminds my how firestar begins his story with a dream, great callback without direct copy!
Keep writing!
~Quill
There were some formatting errors because I wrote the story on google docs and transferred it to a .odt file, so I cannot fix it.
Sorry,
-Cleo Carson
Ok so, I really loved the story! It was so good! I love warriors. But, there were a few errors.
First, this sentence
Instead of "...,' which i usually associate with trailing off, I would do this:
Putting "-" instead of "..." helps show she was cut off and not trailing off into thought. Thats just what I think
This sentence made me pause:
I don't know why there's an extra space but, the sentence is just kind of off to me. I would put:
I would do that or, this:
Those just make a bit more sense to me :3
Saying how the cats got there name's isn't too important to know. You can keep that but I just feel like it's too straightforward. It would be nice for the reader to notice these things about the cats through description and actions. That would be like "Aha! Now I know why they are called that," kinda moment to the readers. Just my personal thoughts on that.
The chapters are also very short. Maybe add more description and dialogue to beef them up a bit.
Other than those few things, I really like the story. I'm excited to find out who the cats outside the window are. I'm thinking maybe the nightmares are a prophecy or something. Just my predictions ahhaha! Keep on writing, I love Warrrior cats fanfics :3
The .odt file messes up my formatting all the time.
ohhhh ok! It happens to me some times also. :3
Alright, I fixed the first issue, however, the second issue is a formatting error within the .odt file and I cannot fix it. Sorry!
Ok! Its all good!