My friend was on my laptop while I was getting something and they posted this, sorry for that, I don't want people reading it. Here's something else.
“Thanks”
The word pops
On the computer screen.
One small word.
It makes my hands
Hoover over the keys,
Unsure of what to say.
I smile to myself,
For once again,
For the first time in weeks,
You’re thanking me.
That one small word,
And suddenly,
Something shifts in my chest.
Suddenly, I know
That I’m on the way
To being forgiven.
One small word,
Can make all the difference
In a relationship.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Not a bad poem but not a very good one either, mostly because of how vague it was. I think I see what the theme of the poem is but you should expand upon it by alluding to exactly why it's so hard for your friend to say "thank you" and what implications that has had upon your friendship in the first place. In addition, this poem has somewhat of a cold feel to it due to the lack of imagery; put some spice into it, show how you think instead of telling the reader, and it will draw much more interest into the content of the work.
My only criticism is to change the word "Hoover" to "Hover," unless you meant to talk about the vacuums/the President. Other than that, I enjoyed this piece.
WOW! I loved it.
I love the way you're just concentarting on that one thme, letting the reader's mind ponder over the past and future.
Love it!!!
I've always been of these kind of poems, with ordinary language given great depth and detail by splitting the lines. You force the reader to take every word and detail, and it gives us very clear picture of the scene.
The other thing is, I like how you started a story and refused to give any background information, just sticking purely to the subject. It's a lot more fun sometimes to read something and interperet what went on instead of the poet spoon feeding every little detail and allowing no activity on the reader's behalf.
In future I'd like to see a bigger story, something more ambitious because you're clearly able for it. And Christ- you're 13? If I could have written like that at 13 I'd be a happy man
Great work.
this is good, but kind of confusing. try adding more detail and exlpain the situation a little more.