Published November 25, 2008
OK, so this was written right after my friend told me they never wanted to talk to me again, and I still
dont know why. THIS HAS BEEN EDITED. Still review please!
THANKS!
Here it is:
You don’t trust me,
even though I’m the
one telling the truth,
that I haven’t said a word.
You say I have been talking behind your back,
About you not returning favors
when I know I haven’t. But you think,
you ‘know’,
that I’m not the one telling the truth
about saying you’re worthless.
You trust this mystery person
who says I talk about you.
Maybe the definition
of saying things
has changed.
Maybe the times
that I told my friend something that had
your name in it
has become spreading rumors,
even if it was something
that only had to do
with her.
Maybe it now means me telling
someone you’re mad,
even if you were the one
to them tell first.
Or maybe it’s that someone
has talked about you
meanly to me,
and then changes the story.
It could be me asking
your friend
to tell you
to forgive me.
But I don’t know.
Maybe someone should tell me.
Let me know the rules so that
I don’t screw up.
Don’t spend another sleepless night
crying over losing a friendship,
stronger than chains.
Crying over losing you,
My best friend.
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,385 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
This is definitely an interesting theme worth exploring, as most of us can relate to the feelings of lost friendship and betrayal. However, the piece as it stands does not do much for the theme because it's vague. What is "the truth"? Why on earth are the people in the poem talking about each other, and why should I care? What happened? Make this more unique, add some interesting images, and you could make the poem much better.
Also, in your future poems, please avoid cliches. "Talking behind your back" and "losing sleep" aren't very powerful because reader has seen them a million times. Good poems create unique images that will stick with the reader.
Sorry to be harsh, but I think if you put some more thought into the theme and how it relates to your situation, this has potential.
That was really helpful, thanks!
cbwriterchick
Well I like the theme, but the poem itself was a bit confusing without the breaks.
Try to make the poem something like this
Also, it is a bit too wordy if you know what i mean, I kind of looses it's rhythm and regains it later. With a bit more work you could produce something really awsome...
sorry if I was a bit harsh
Keep writing though