z

Young Writers Society



The Girl

by cbwriterchick


The Girl
He watches her sleep.
The moonlight, shining on her perfect skin.
The spread of dark hair over the pillow case.
The shadows her eyelashes cast over her face.
The part in her lips where the air flows out.
The rise and fall of her chest with each silent breath.
He watches the blade of the knife.
The light catching the sliver.
The way it bounces shadows over the dark room
The hilt, perfectly fitted to his hand.
The blade, sharp.
The point, deadly.
He takes the knife,
and connects the icy blade
with the rising chest.
The girl does not move,
does not stir.
The moonlight moves not.
The hair stays the same.
The shadows of her eyelashes cover her face.
The part in her lips no longer has air.
The moving chest is still.
And he watches the blade of the knife.
The now red color.
The no longer existant shadows on the dark room.
The hilt, still perfect.
The blade still sharp.
The point has killed.
He turns and leaves
the girl to her fate,
her beauty never to be seen again.


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Random avatar

Points: 1290
Reviews: 23

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Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:37 am
lukas8u says...



Double post- sorry




Random avatar

Points: 1290
Reviews: 23

Donate
Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:34 am
lukas8u wrote a review...



Ok, i have two problems with this. First off, this poem has nothing to with Nazi's/ Holocausts. Just for history check, they did not work things like that. Re title it please, because i am German, and it is ok to remember the horrible things that some in our country did, but just to stick them under random bad guy for an unrelated situation.. well, it's a bit insulting.

On to the actual poem.

The poem is very written, with the setting and the description of the girl. Try and flesh out the murder though, maybe his motives (hopefully by then nothing to with Nazi's), and physical appearance.


Edit- thanks for removing the Nazi part





i exist in a constant state of confusion so its ok
— veeren