Prepared for the Best
Chapter one:
“How does it feel to know your whole life is about to end?” asked Melinda in a repetitive way.
How…what do you mean? I’m about to get married! Can you be a bit more-----enthusiastic for me?” She replied harshly.
“All I’m saying is that you’ll be stuck with Danny till deaths do you part. Are you sure you want this?”
“Yes Melinda! If I didn’t do you think I would have said yes to his amazing proposal?” Came the really annoyed reply.
As the tall, slim, long brown haired, bright blue eyed bride finished adjusting her strapless dark purple trimmed wedding gown. She turned in her bare feet with the biggest smile on her bright face. She gazed into the mirror one more time to see that her hair was still in place. While doing so she thought to her self, this is how a queen feels all the time I’m sure. I just know this is what I was born for.
Quickly she turned to see her Mother opening the door. Midline was her name; she walked in and closed the door behind her. As she caught her daughters gaze she let a small tear role down her cheek.
“Mother! Please don’t cry this is a wedding we should be laughing!”
“I know but soon you won’t belong to me any more. You’ll belong to a man that loves you more than I can.” She muttered with a shaky voice.
Walking over to her mother she put her arms around her and whispered into her ear, “Trust that things happen for a reason…and that reason alone.”
Sitting in his fluffy bean chair really thinking as long and as hard as he could about why, in about two hours he was going to marry his best friend. Knowing that he loves her, and the fact she’s perfect in every way, that he could see. He didn’t know why he felt a sudden lack of readiness to make her, his wife.
“It’s just cold feet.” He said aloud to himself.
Hearing this, Scott Peters, the best man quickly looked over to his friend of twenty one years. “Did I hear some form of, ‘I might not want to do this’”
“No” Came the resounding reply. “I know I love her. She’s an angle with amazing qualities, and stunningly beautiful! She can look at a dead flower and make it a gorgeous new blossom, and when she speaks, well I’m sure the world looks up listen to her.”
“Sounds a little mushy to me, like she’s got you so wrapped around her little finger she could say I’ll kill you tomorrow. And you’d look forward to it!”
What’s wrong with you??? That’s not true! If you’re not going to help me get ready then take a walk.” Coldly turning his back on his friend, he looked at himself in the mirror.
Being tall much like Zoë, Danny reached up on to the top of his closet to take out a box marked ‘Moments’.
This treasure box he just retrieved was of all the moments he had ever spent with Zoë. From the time they had met, Danny knew he would marry Zoë. All the way up to last night, when they had dinner for the last time as an unwed couple.
As he opened the lid of the box he prepared to put a note inside that read, ‘One to another’, as he did this…..
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK… interrupted his thoughts of joy.
“Who is it?” He asked
“It’s me.” Came the very simple answer.
At the sound of the voice he found it to be his amazing future bride. Walking quickly over to the door, he opened it. Greeting her with a twinkle in his eye, she said, “Good morning!”
“Bark!” Simply replying to Zoë.
“Well good morning to you as well, Jack!” Jack an English shepered that Danny had razed since eight weeks old. Trained in search and rescue, Jack was a beautiful dog that enjoyed the company of Zoë.
“He’s been acting like that all morning.” He said with an excited tone in his voice.
“I don’t blame him; it’s not every day a dog gets to be in a wedding.” She said with a funny smile on her face.
“True, true and only an hour away, are you ready?” He asked her with questions in his voice of ‘please don’t be having second thoughts’.
“Am I ready? I couldn’t be more ready! This is going to be the best day of my life, and the fact that I get to spend it with you now and forever, makes it that much more amazing! Why do you ask?” Asking him as well as looking at him with questions in her eyes.
Hearing everything she had just said, hearing all the excitement in her voice. That all her dreams were coming true; he realized he had no need to rethink his decision
“I only as to be sure things are to you liking.” He said quickly. But it truly was being sincere.
“Aww! That’s really sweet of you. Thank You. But now I’ll let you finish getting ready. See you in an hour.” She’s skipped out giddily, closing the door behind her.
“There’s your music Q. I Love you dear.” Half crying as Mrs. Masterson helped her daughter start off down the middle of the church.
“I Love you too Mom!”
As Zoë began to walk down the isle, the crowd of people on both sides of her stood and turned to watch her. In her hand made, and self designed gown, she stepped forward one foot at a time. Slowly making her way up to the front of the church, Danny was eagerly awaiting her. She looked up at him and thought, “Why me?”
Reaching the alter, and passing her purple roses off to her made of honor Miss Melinda Dean.
Placing her hand in Danny’s, shortly came the time to say, ‘I do.’ First up was Danny. “To have and to hold, till death do you part… I do.” Though he looked calm his heart was singing!
And do you Zoë, do you take this man to have and to hold, till death do you part?” “For ever, I do” she said calmly yet ever so sweetly.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you my now kiss the bride.”
“My pleasure.” Danny said with quite a smile on his face. Kissing her the crowed cheered! It was finally done, the long awaited joining of Zoë Redirect, and Danny Still-men, now to be called Danny and Zoë Still-men.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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All right, this was a good start. It seems that everything is going perfect, except Danny’s second thoughts. I have a feeling not everything is how it should be however, right?
The first thing I will mention is your dialogue. When you use it and you have a tag, you have to use a comma instead of a period after your sentence. For example using a quote from you story:
It should be a comma instead of a period after “can” and a small “s” on she”
Here’s another one:
Should be a comma after “No” and a small “c” on “came”
You see the difference? Keep this in mind when you write dialogue in the future
Now, I’ll just do a quick character/plot overview:
Zoë: Main character, ready to be wed. That’s really all we know about her. To make a good character, we have to know their likes/dislikes, desires/hates. Stuff like that create a 3D character rather than a 2D one. Try to build her up, add some confrontation.
Danny: Thinks Zoë is the one, that she is perfect, but is having second thoughts. Maybe he needs more than a perfect wife? I’m not sure yet, but he is also coming out as a 2D character. He is more solid than Zoë is, but you still need to make him more alive. Make his personality unique.
Others: The rest seem pretty small parts. All we really got were names and who they were. If you want to make them more important, I suggest that you really try to make them stand out from the others.
Plot: I’m not really sure what the plot is yet. All we got was a wedding. You need to be some sort of protagonist in there. Something that will make the story something to build up, to make it worth your while for writing. Try to discover what you really want the reader to get from your writing and then go for it!
I wish you the best of luck with this and if you have any questions about anything, just PM me!
You should include some more descriptive techniques to really get the reader involved with the story.
catherinet-
Okay, that was kind of odd. Um, where's the plot?
You're missing a few quotation marks and there's little description about her sister, mom, Danny and herself. What are their interests?
This seemed more like a short story then a chapter story. If you want to make it a chapter story, then elaborate more. There needs to be description on the scenery of the church/chapel and thoughts of the MC.
You did great for someone who's new at this, but just remember what I pointed out and you'll become a better writer, in no time.
Sorry if this seemed a little harsh, but practice makes perfect.
-Merry