Published April 29, 2008
Reviews wanted, even if you have not read the books
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Prologue- Lightning
A violent howled through the clearing, screaming of pain. The meadow was swathed in a shimmering blue-green light; the cats of BurnClan lay curled in their dens, escaping the pounding rain.
A young ginger-colored she-cat let out a yowl of pain and the wind rose to a new volume to match hers. The cry rang throughout the camp, some cats flinched sympathetically. Lightning crashed in the distance, shrieking in rage.
The she-cat was laying on a patch of damp earth underneath a tree branch, sides heaving. Her belly was swollen with kits.
“Shhh,” soothed a silver, spotted tom as she let out another cry of pain. His tail flicked with indecision before he stood to face a small white cat with brown striped spots. “Amberpaw, fetch some borage,” he glanced nervously at the she-cat, “And some poppy seeds.”
The young apprentice nodded raptly, “Yes Owlpelt!” She sprinted off towards the medicine cat den, her tail furling out behind her. The cats of the Clan raised their heads, watching her go from their nests in the dens. They shuffled their paws nervously, but with obvious excitement.
“Will she be okay?” a dark-streaked tabby asked, helplessly rasping his tongue across his mate’s ear. He sat quite close to the she-cat, his tail resting lightly on her side.
Owlpelt bobbed his head, watching the she-cat’s breathing, “Don’t worry Marblepelt.” He glanced outside at the raging weather, the lightning made him nervous. Marblepelt’s tail twitched, he realized that Owlpelt was not answering him directly.
Marblepelt’s eyes returned to his mate, and he mewed quietly in her ear, “I’ll stay with you Gingerpool.” Gingerpool’s eyes closed briefly, acknowledging her trust in the two cats.
Owlpelt watched with grave foreboding, his ears twitching at the scream of thunder around him, her kitting was not going to be an easy one.
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141,610 Literary Works • 675,144 Reviews
Really nice. One of the reasons I really like it is because I have read the books, and the format is very similar. The only critiques are the same as the ones above. I can't wait to read the rest, if there is anymore
-ClimberSquirrel
Replace the comma with a semicolon. That shows two complete thoughts are expressed in one sentence. Here too:
[quote]Owlpelt watched with grave foreboding, his ears twitching at the scream of thunder around him, her kitting was going to be a long one.