About poems

Waiting and clicking
on titles that sound
promising—
“Hope,”
“Love,”
“World,”
“Life,”
--but aren’t.

For I’m tired of
dark
depressing
poems
that make me want
to tear my hair out
as I grit my teeth
and review
the same old poem
over again.

I’m
on a quest
to find poems
that make me
happy
and make me
smile
when I read them
and that
make me happy
To review them.


Sorry if this offends anyone. I write depressing poems too. Ha.
-Cassie

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
imapoemperson
Review

I liked it, but it seems like you repeat 'make me' a lot. :D Not much else to say. :?


Oh, and you don't need to say 'no offense' because it is just your opinion. :D

User avatar
Eraqio
Review
Eraqio wrote a review · Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:25 pm

hahah, I love a good Rant.

I'm not really sure what I can say about this.

I am a mighty foe of line length, and these short, agonizingly short lines and word groupings just stabbed me in the side.

Sorry, I'm an awkward writer.

However!!! from the point of view of someone who noticed the trend of contradictory labeling in YWS poetry, I fully understand your stance.

Most of the time a title is made for the connotation behind it, and therefore for the reader's interest and emotional response. This, though not a bad tactic, can give frustration for any reviewer expecting something quite the opposite of what was inferred.

Great Job, STAR!!!

I agree with mystymizer; the line cut-off need to somehow be different. I don't know what to suggest, but this poem seems a little off balance.


For I’m tired of
dark
depressing
poems
that make me want
to tear my hair out
as I grit my teeth
and review
the same old poem
over again.


This stanza is the one that really throws it off. I think I would try it a little more like this;
"For I am tired,
of dark,
depressing,
poems,
that make me
want
to tear my hair out
as I grit my teeth
and review
the same poem
again."

I changed it a little more than the line breaks, but I think it looks much more neat. You don't have to, but I think it makes the feelings of the this stanza more divine. Think about it :)

Sorry if this offends anyone. I write depressing poems too. Ha.
-Cassie


Of course not! It shouldn't offend anyone because, as a poet or writer, you need to write what you feel no matter what others think! ;) I feel the same way, and I believe I have a poem about this subject, too, in my AJP (Awesome Journal of Poetry... yeah... not so much!) Write on! ;)

User avatar
Goldenheart
Comment

I know EXACTLY what you mean! I'm a writer of light, absurd little pieces myself, and all this blood-and-thunder doesn't appeal to me much. Amen and amen!

Nicely done.

*Gold Star*

User avatar
mystymizer
Review

I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to comment on this [in fear of wrath!], ha.

Lets just say you got your point across, you're through with reading depressing poems. I think most people write depressing poems because it is the strongest emotion we feel almost everyday. How much do we feel blissfully in love? If that were everyday world peace would have been achieved forever ago. It is just easier for people to write about depression because it is common and just generally more frequent than happy things. Life is tough.

Now directly about your poem, punctuation? There wasn't much of it and I would advise to add a bit more in some places. The line cut-offs also seemed a bit iffy to me.

Otherwise, I hate so many depressing poems but I know if I'm looking through a poetry site it is most likely what I'm going to find! It is most likely what I'm going to write about too!

I don't find this offensive! ^^



No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it.
— LCDR Geordi La Forge