The bus ride home

Hi!
I hope you are having a nice weekend.
Just got your e-mail, I was just deleting a short story I was writing and began writing a new one, and I decided to drop on by!

So I really enjoyed it.
From my style of writing, you can tell that I like rhyming poems, but you did an AMAZING job for a non-rhyming poem.
Same shirt thing= yeah...not really. Your stripes are smaller, you have a purple strip on your too.
And I felt it was unnessisary.

He wears,
Express,
Aeropostale,
Hollister #800080 ">Well, um...I don't really know about this part. First I was thinking "And why do I need to know this?" but then I thought "Oh, yeah, I get it! Giving detail about him. Ohhhhhhh..." So you can see it both ways.

I wonder about his favorite things,
brand,
color,
type of girl. #800080 ">I actually really like this part! It really went with it and I liked it a lot. I know how I always am asking questions to my crush.
"Whats your favorite food?
"What do you think about the bp oil spill?
"What do you think about before you got to bed at night?
Haha! Just kidding!

I am dying to ask him out,
but I think it should be the guy
instead of the girl,
to make the first move. #FF4000 "> Every girl has felt that way. Just advice, from girl to girl. If hes very narcissistic and a procrastanator, than ask him out. Because he will never have to guts to ask such an amazing person like you out.
But if he is very sensual and outgoing, wait for him to ask. If he never does, forget about it. Just move along.
But if you have a good judge of character and fall for smart people you will fall for the one who really cares and will make it happen!

Even though I have been told,
not to wait, to do it,
I don't want to be embarrassed
if he says no. #0000FF ">Clap clap clap! Smart girl... well duh! Yeah you don't want to get embarressed "Just In Case" Just like you feel a little cramp-y and you don't want to be "Embarresed" if you leak, so "Just In Case" you take a tampon in your purse. Like that. So yeah, very nice. You did a great job with this.

He is Prince charming.
Perfect in every way.
Gorgeous, funny, nice,
Someone I can talk to #008000 ">Awwwww. Very sweet. That was brilliant. I must admit, he is pretty cute. And he has a GREAT style!

The same every day.
The looks, the shoes,the glances,
the shirts,
the bus ride home. #FF4080 ">Very sweet, I liked that a lot. You were very creative in this part. It was a good wrap up ending. You left them hanging and wanting more! Bravo!

Then, his best friend,asks me out. #800080 ">hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *Ohhh.* Wiped tear

This poem was good. It was very innocent.

I sit in the seat across from him on the bus,
His best friends surrounding him.
His hair falls in his face and he oh so casually
sweeps it away, with a flick of his head#FF0000 ">Good detail in this stanza

He laughs at some lame joke that his friend says,
so I laugh too and pretend its funny.#FF0000 ">I don't really like this line. It was way too cliche and kind of childish. But I understand what you're going for.
He looks at me so I stop, but it is a
completely different look.

Althrough out the ride, I catch him looking.
I blush and look down, if I see him watching.
I look at the floor instead,
at the dirt, the shoes, the bus.

He wears Pumas, and is adorable.
Our knees touch, and he doesn't hurry,
to move his away, so I lean in closer
and the heat rushes to my face#FF0000 ">Very descriptive. Nice.

We are wearing the same shirt,
navy and white stripes.
The difference, mine is made for girls,
His is for boys, yet we have the same shirt.#FF0000 ">I don't want to sound rude, but is this stanza really necessary?

I flirt with him, not sure if he does back,
so I wonder if he even likes me,
even though it seems he does.
I think he does, but I have been wrong before.

He has a six pack, and talks,
about his parents divorce,
working out at his dad's house,
the summer.

He wears,
Express,
Aeropostale,
Hollister#FF0000 ">I don't think you should have put the brands into different lines.

I wonder about his favorite things#FF0000 ">;
brand,
color,
type of girl.#FF0000 ">This doesn't flow because you had one word lines previously. Try just 'girl'

I am dying to ask him out,
but I think it should be the guy
instead of the girl,#FF0000 ">I think this line should be taken out. It's obvious so it's kiind of repetative.
to make the first move.

Even though I have been told,
not to wait, to do it,
I don't want to be embarrassed#FF0000 ">Again kind of cliche. Try an alternative to embarrassed
if he says no.

My friends say,
I obsess to much,
about him,#FF0000 ">Repetative. It's obvious they say you are obsessing 'about him'
but they don't understand.

He is Prince charming.
Perfect in every way.
Gorgeous, funny, nice,
#FF0000 ">andSomeone I can talk to#FF0000 ">remember flow

I adore him,
If only he felt,
the same way,
about me.


The same every day.
The looks, the shoes,
the glances, the shirts,
the bus ride home.

Then, his best friend,
asks me out.#FF0000 ">Whoa!! Bam! Trainwreck! I like it!

Goodness, what a fab poem! I was very surprised by the ending, but it's very clever I liked the way you went into detail about the 'contact' between you and the guy, it really pulls you in till the end. I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, and I found that it captured exactly the right atmosphere. Well done, keep on writing!

shocking at the end :O didnt see it coming! it was really good. i have the same problem as you so i can relate! Keep writing it was awesome!(: