A mouth
Is a slingshot, stretching
To the point when the stone
Flings. My head bears the marks of these
Rocks thrown.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like how your poem, like Pgsgirl7 said, is an innovative way of carrying the message of that old saying.
I think the line should be separated so that 'Flings' stands alone in one line, it kind of gives a sense of action and emphasis as the 'rocks' move.
OK
So the first time I read this, I had no idea what it meant.
But then the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" came to mind, and I suddenly GOT it.
Good style - very unique.
Keep writing!
Hello! Welcome to YWS. We do ask that everyone writes two reviews themselves before posting their own work.
This is an interesting poem. It takes a few reads, which is okay, because it's short - it's a thinking poem, I suppose. A little cryptic. I like the way this flows - 2 syllables in the first line, then six, six again, then eight, then two again. It's short and simple, but the content takes a bit of thinking about. I read it as someone is being hurtful, verbally, the slingshot and the stones being a metaphor for the mouth and the words that come out of it and hit you. There isn't much emotion here though - does it hurt? A little, a lot? I wouldn't want to see this expanded too much because I love the shortness of this piece, but a little more emotion could be good. I love your extended metaphor, though. Keep writing.