I havent thought up a name yet

This is my first story that i have posted on YWS. I have more but I didn't want to post to much to scare you away. If it is still to much don't worry about reading all of it. I just want some feed back. That would be nice.

Stewart Ramsey. The love of my life. He sat across from me with a bud light can in his hand, staring at the television screen. His brown shaggy hair clung with static to the recliner. He was his own person and I loved him for it. Stewart might not have looked like much with his white button down shirt un-tucked and his tie loose around his neck but he was the only one to show me how life should be. That you should never give up hope even when it looks like everyone you care about is gone.

I did not always know Stewart. Before I met him I hung out with girls I never truly connected with. I did not know relationships could go deeper than what I had at the time. I attended a prestigious college preparatory school in Providence Rhode Island. Everyone there shopped at Jcrew, had True Religion jeans, and wore Ugg slippers and North Face jackets. I never wore those things though. No one made fun of me for it. And I don't even think I would have had any closer relationships with people if did wear those types of clothes. I was my own person and people knew that and I thought respected that. It seemed to me people just tended to stay away. If they didn’t, we would have just been making small talk. It wasn’t like people were mean, I had inside jokes with some, I hung out after school other times with others, and was invited to the occasional party. It wasn't like I didn't have people to sit with at lunch or hang out with during free periods, because I did, and I called those people my friends. But know thinking back on it, they really weren't.

“So Addie, anything interesting happen in your grade today?” Cate asked as she turned out of the school parking lot, tucking a lock of brown hair behind her ear. We were going to get Gatorade at the Shell station before Lacrosse practice. Cate was a senior; she was tall, athletic, and very funny. She had her own issues that I will get into later. She didn’t fit into her grade well. I was a junior; we hung out because we both had no one really close to in our own grades and we played soccer and lacrosse together. We were able to vent to each other, so that was nice.

“No. Not really. My grade is super lame compared to yours.” I said and by super lame I meant we hardly partied. So of course there wasn’t much worth talking about. Most of the junior class kid’s moms were the kinds of parents that would call and check up. And if our parents weren't that type you were pier pressured into not drinking because the majority of our grade thought drinking was bad. This is surprisingly weird when you think about other schools. My grade did party sometimes, but it wasn’t very common.

“Yeah, well. Whatever then.” She replied shrugging her shoulders. The rest of the care ride was silent as we drove to Shell. We never forced a conversation between the two of us. It might have been awkward if the silence was with someone else but since it was with Cate it was not awkward at all. We got two Gatorades, I got red she got blue, and headed back to campus for practice.

At practice I laughed and joked with the other girls who I thought, at the time, were my friends. There were three of them in particular that I thought I was close with.

Alice, Melinda, and Laura where there names. All three of them were in many of my classes and we also played soccer together in the fall. Melinda invited us over her house a lot, but she was always closer with Alice and Laura than she was with me. The three of them would hang out and they wouldn’t tell me because they wanted to spare my feelings, but I would always find out anyway and it would just make me feel worse that they would keep it from me.

The coach had us doing shuttles, star drills, and we ran some plays but it was over by 5 o’clock and we were done. We made sure the sophomores and freshman took in the gear and put it into the storage closet. Then we went to the locker room to change out of our sweating clothes.

“Bye everyone” I said as I headed out the door with Cate, my gym bag around my shoulder and lacrosse stick in hand. I felt health, my endorphins were buzzing through me.

“Bye Addie! Bye Cate” everyone said back. The door shut behind us as we walked through the field house to the exit doors.

“Are you going to the party at Kevin’s tomorrow?” Cate asked as we were walking to the parking lot.

“I’m not sure if I will be in the mood. Are you going?”

“I don’t know if I want to or not. You know since I have tons of friends, they will all be there” Cate said sarcastically with a little laugh. She had just recently had a falling out with her best friend, leaving her with no one except for some teammates and me.

“How about we go together? You can come over my house before and after if you want?” I asked. I really hoped she would because I don’t think I would have much fun at the party if she didn’t go.

“Sure. That will be fun.”

“Great. See you tomorrow” I said to her and hopped into my red Volvo. I started the car up. Called my mom to let her know I was heading home. She said she would be the nursing home visiting Grandee when I got back. I drove 80 on the 65 mile and hour highway, no cops pulled me over. When I arrived at our little colonial on our cul-de-sac my moms car was not in the garage. She was visiting Grandee. I went inside and I played the answering machine. It had one message on it. It was my father; it said he would be going out to dinner with some clients after work. I heated up some left over pasta and watched television, not bothering to do my homework. My mom came home, around 8 o’clock, crying about how upset Grandee was about being at the nursing home.

“How was Grandee?” I asked looking over at her as she leaned against the doorframe of the living room. She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“Horrible. She asked me again what she was doing their. She just doesn’t understand that she is at the best place for her.”

“I’m sorry mom” I said giving her a hug.” She started to cry again in my arms. I patted her back and held her for a few minutes. When she released me she went over to the liquor cabinet and poured herself a drink and sat down in front of the television with me.

After practice the next day we were changing in the locker room. “What are you guys doing this Friday night?” I asked to everyone in the room.

Alice, Laura, and Melina exchanged glances. “Im not doing anything” Melinda said.

“I have no plans yet.” Said Laura.

“I was thinking I would just go home. “ said Alice.

“Fun. Well I hope you guys have good weekends.” I said, noticing that no one asked me what I was doing. No one seemed to care what I was doing with my weekend.

“You too Addie.” Laura said to me before I left the locker room.

“Bye guys” I said, looking forward to the fun night I would have with Cate.

“Bye Addie” everyone said back as the door shut behind me.

Cate was leaning against my car when I walked out into the parking lot. She got in and we drove to my house. My mom was visiting Grandee again and my Dad was at work so we had the house to ourselves. Cate pulled out her cigarettes from her back pack and we each smoked one out on the porch. I had never smoked before. It wasn’t that fun.

“You need to squint your eyes so the smoke doesn’t get in them.” Cate told me and showed me how to breathe in the smoke.

“Okay” I said trying to do exactly what she as doing. It was hard at first. I coughed the first couple times I inhaled.

“You will get used to it if you keep it up.”

When we finished smoking we stubbed the ashes out and tossed them into the woods behind my house. Then we went to my room and changed clothes.

“Want pasta for dinner?” I asked as I pulled a clean shirt over my head. “We can make it.”

“Sounds good. I love pasta.”

We boiled the noodles and heated up Prego sauce in the micro wave. Our dinner tasted like pasta. After eating the sun started to set and we decided to head over to Kevin’s. We did not want to be too late and we did not want to wait until my mom got home before she could ask us questions.

I drove, it was dark by the time we got there. Cars were lined up and down the street out side of his house. I parked and we got out. We walked up and pushed open the door. Music was playing and half full red cups were placed everywhere. Kids were playing quarters or just sitting around and talking. It was pretty loud. I noticed Melinda, Alice and Laura. They looked surprised to see me. And I was surprised to see them. In the locker room they told me they were not doing anything tonight.

“Hey guys! What’s up?”

“Hey Addie” said Alice smiling.

“Hi!” said Laura gave me a hug.

“Oh hey Addie. Your at a party?” Melinda asked with attitude in her voice.

“Yes” I replied very flatly.

“Its just, weird. I did not think you liked to party.” Melinda said, taking a sip from her red plastic cup. The other girls weren’t drinking, but they were nodding along to what Melinda was saying.

“Weird? I don’t think it’s weird that I liked to hang out with my friends.”

“No, not that. I just wouldn’t ever guess you liked this scene.” She replied and then noticed Cate who was talking to a soccer player, Brian. Melinda completely dropped our conversation and went over to talk to her, acting as if she always talked to Cate. She was really just trying to get Brian’s attention.

“So did you guys go to Melinda’s house after practice for dinner?” I asked just wondering what they would tell me. Laura lives about 30 minutes from this area and it would not have made any sense if she went home. I already had guess that they had. They gave side ways glances to each other wondering if they should tell the truth or try and spare my feelings and make up a lie.

“Um… well…yeah we did. We didn’t tell you because we didn’t think you would want to come. But if we knew you were going to come to this party I’m sure Melinda would have invited you to come along.” Alice said trying to step around the issue.

I nodded, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I changed the subject. “Cate came over my house, she’s coming over after too. She is going to spend the night.”

“Sounds fun” said Laura I felt the honesty in her voice. I could tell she felt bad for me.

“It will be” said Cate cheerily as her and Melinda joined the conversation. Cate had two red plastic cups. She gave one to me. “Now don’t drink to much Addie because you’re the DD tonight.” She said as she gulped down her beer.

“Don’t worry. I probably won’t even finish the cup.” I said. She laughed because that is what was expected of me. I was expected to not even finish my cup.

“What’s up girls, if you need a place to crash tonight, you can sleep over. My parents won’t be home until the afternoon tomorrow” Kevin said as he walked over to our circle. He was tall and blonde and dating Alice. He put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“No thanks Kev” Melinda said. “Alice and Laura are coming over my house after.” She paused “I’m so sorry Addie. If I knew you were coming to the party I would have totally had you sleep over but now it’s too late.” She made a pouty face towards me.

“It’s fine” I said. I really didn’t care. What I cared about was why they had to keep it a secret from me. At school they could have just told me they were all going to Kevin’s party.

“God I’m so hungry. Let’s get something to eat!” Cate said grabbing my wrist and pulling me away from the circle towards Kevin’s kitchen. She could tell it was getting awkward and she knew how to diffuse the issue “You don’t mind do you Kev?”

“No. Help yourselves.” he answered as we passed through the doorway. No one was in the kitchen. It was empty and very clean except for several empty six pack cardboard boxes that were lined up along the counter. Cate opened the fridge door and pulled out some American cheese slices.

“Look for some bread.”

“You’re going to have a sandwich?”

“No. I was going to make us grilled cheeses.” She said with a laugh.

“That’s even better.” said a deep voice from behind us. We turned around. The voice came from an extremely gorgeous looking guy with brown hair that was neatly combed to the side. He was leaning in the door way, a paper back book tucked under his arm. His blue eyes caught the light as he smiled at us

“Would you like one?” Cate asked as she waved a peace of cheese in the air.

“Sure.” He replied then walked over to the pantry closet, opened the door and pulled out a bag of bread. He handed it to me. “Here’s the bread.”

“Thanks” I said, still in shock of his gorgeousness. I wasn’t used to talking to guys that weren’t from my school. It made me awkward and confused. I get quite and listen when things got awkward. I opened the bag and pulled out six slices of bread. Not saying anything.

“I’m Stewart.” He said smiling; he placed his book on the table then reached to shake hands with Cate and then me. He was reading The Road, which was my all time favorite book.

“Cate.” Cate said as she grabbed a spatula from a hook above the sink.

“I’m Addie, and The Road is my favorite book.”

“Its good isn’t it? This is my 3rd time reading it.”

“Cool.” I said, not sure what else to say.

“Do you know where they keep the plates too?” Cate asked.

“Yeah, hold on.” Stewart said then walked across the kitchen and opened a cabinet and grabbed three plates and placed them on the table. “Kevin is my cousin. I come here a lot” he explained.

“Oh” I said, being my awkward self.

“Sweet, thanks” Cate said as she laid the cheese evenly on the bread. Then she turned on the stove and grabbed a frying pan from the drying rack and placed it on the stove.

“I make the best grilled cheeses ever, so you to better loosen up your belt buckles and get ready”

“Cant wait” Stewart said, he smiled. He was staring at me. I tried to keep my head down and not stare back. I was feeling weird. He was too perfect. It was just too awkward for me. I had to leave the room for a little.