z

Young Writers Society



Dear Mom

by carelessaussie13


Dear Mom,
I can’t come home,
Not yet,
And I know you’re angry at me
For just taking off
Like I did,
But I swear, Mom,
I’m working things out,
Like you said I should,
And I love you very much,
Never doubt that.
I won’t tell you where I am,
But it’s nice here,
Warm and full of people
Who don’t judge me
For the past.
Tell Lena I love her,
And Dad too,
And take Bailey for a walk for me,
But don’t tell them
I sent this letter,
Because I don’t want them to cry.
I just hope you know, Mom,
That I love you
Like I always have,
No matter where I am,
And I miss you.
See you soon, Mom.
Love, me.


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Points: 890
Reviews: 103

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Mon Nov 20, 2006 12:43 am
Cameron wrote a review...



The overuse of commas and the list format is wearing on the eyes. The format is indicative that this is neither a letter nor a poem, but rather a cluster of inane words slapped onto a page. Perhaps if you organized this into something legible it would be worth reading. Cheers,

Cameron




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21 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 21

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Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:04 pm
valeriejcz says...



I think its a letter and a poem. Its written in poetic form, and its reaaly good. I love it!




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694 Reviews


Points: 3454
Reviews: 694

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Sun Nov 19, 2006 10:41 pm
Via says...



You said it yourself: "I sent this letter".

This is a letter, not a poem.

Try using some actual poetic elements when you write...it may give you something worthwhile.

Good luck,
Meg





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