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18+ Mature Content

A Dark Look at Crimea

by carbonCore


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Note: this was not written by me. I translated it from Russian, from here. I was impressed by both the content and the eloquence of the document in question. That said, 18+ for swearing.

I didn't want to write about Crimea. Rather, I did, but I kept stopping myself: so much has already been written, so many true words have already been said, so many lies from the government have been brought to surface, that it seems pointless to add anything on top. Then I saw how many of my friends whom I thought to be decent people ended up blocked on all social networks and showed the kind of face that you'd be hard pressed to find at a retired communists' reunion. I write this so that I don't have to write it again and repeat myself. I will not base my opinion on someone else's, or on rumour. I will rely on two facts: Ukraine impeached Yanukovich, and Russia took Crimea from Ukraine.

First, Ukraine. This is a different country, with different laws, populated by different people and governed by a different system. Taking territory from this country while it was working through its own complicated issues does not make this process legitimate. Imagine that during the revolts on Bolotnaya Street, Japan mobilized its security forces to Kuril Islands, and in two weeks, its inhabitants were to vote for unification with Japan. Same thing. The Kuril Islands, at various times being tribal, Russian, and Japanese land, stayed ours because someone at some point drew the right lines on the right map. Would we surrender these lands so easily? No. How about Chechnya? Likewise, Ukraine isn't just going to hand over Crimea. Other than Russians, there are also Ukrainians there, and Tatars, and many other people not yet governed by Russian law. Now, and I repeat, only now is Ukraine starting to treat Russians poorly, remove Russian channels from television (because it's unpleasant to hear the same lies and nonsense all day), get rid of programmes with Russian actors in them, etc. Instead of protecting the Russian population, what did we get? Increased risks, if the situation continues to escalate. Is this the purpose of annexation? Therefore, those who say that Russia is protecting Russians by doing this, are mistaken.

Second. Crimea is our land. How about Tatarstan? Kaliningrad? Crimea joined Russia in the 18th century. Central Asia, Caucasus, Finland, weren't all these taken in the 19th century? So why aren't we waging war there? Why don't we return what we took by force? Any precedent of border change is bound to open a Pandora's box. I'll remind those who are convinced by the might of the Russian military that anti-air defense covers only Moscow. Bombers of any other country could fly to any other city without problems. Nuclear weapons are good as a deterrent, not as a usable armament. By taking Crimea, we have started on the path to losing the rest of our lands. So those who think that we don't already take up enough space on the world map are also wrong.

Third: Crimea is on Russian welfare. The quality of life there is lower than in Russia. There is no infrastructure there, no waterworks, no electricity, no decent seaport, no airport, and so on. To fix this is insane money. To fix this is insane spending, moreso than the Sochi Olympics and World Championship 2018. If it's such a pot of gold, why has it been turning to shit for 20 years? Perhaps it's not so easy to turn it into a gemstone of tourism. Considering the huge popularity of Sochi, Adler, and Tula amongst diving and shopping enthusiasts, we cannot make Crimea into this a priori. In other words, we're trying to feed 2 million more mouths, already knowing that we can't get that money back. No military base rent, no Crimean imports are going to offset this cost. All this is just for show, as are other large projects in the last while. They'll dismantle everything, steal it, televise ribbons ceremoniously cut and happy old ladies in underwear made from repurposed shirts of deceased husbands. In other words, those who say Crimea will make Russia stronger, are also lying. Crimeans aren't going to go to war for Russia. If they had that spirit, they would have already broken away or built decent decent beaches and hotels.

Fourth: money again. My readers and my friends, how many of you have benefited from the annexation of Crimea? I don't spend my vacations there, and I likely never will. Turkey is cheaper and better, Spain is more expensive but a completely different world. OK, I'm a bad example. Who, from those who go to Crimea, really thinks it'll be cheaper with Russia there? Who thinks it's going to be safer with a standing army? Any incident caused by our army will be distorted and blamed on the victims, to avoid provocation. As for the local businesses, 40% of visitors to Crimea were from Ukraine, and 10% from other countries. These are significant losses. Russia, of course, will throw money at it to make everyone shut up. Our money. Your money and my money. So what, is somebody now going to buy that Crimean wine? Why did nobody ever buy it before? It's just spoiling on the shelves. So what's the point? And since we're talking about money, why did we invest billions in the Sochi Olympics, if we were going to flush it after two days by deploying our troops to Crimea? Smells like stupidity. Your stupidity, in fact, because both of these affairs were made possible by your money. One silly loser boy wants his name written in the history books, and he doesn't care how many hospitals don't get built and how many people die, because a loaded gun has to fire eventually.

Crimea is of no use to any Russian citizen. Russian television spreads war propaganda, which will set the mood and keep it that way for a long time. All national territory must be protected, anyone who disagrees is a traitor, a provocateur, a fascist. They tout the threat of Ukrainian fascists. Russia touts it. Russia, where over almost every nationalist's territory there is a swastika, where foreigners' throats are slashed, where "Jew" is a swear word as far as half the population is concerned, where everyone else is a khokhol, churka, tatarva, slant-eyes, beasts -- a ton of great epithets for all other nationalities. Do you know why you want to be happy about the annexation of Crimea? Is it because you want to be proud of something? But there's nothing to be proud of. All good products are imported. Two-thirds of produce is also imported. We do not make anything of interest to the rest of the world, except Soviet weaponry and gas pipelines. Except a very expensive sport and small but very expensive wars. Do you know how proud the Finns are that their president flies on the same plane as they do, in the economy class? Do you know how happy Londoners are that their mayor rides a bike to work? We have nothing to be proud of. And here, like a cock from the stained pants of a chronic masturbator, out comes Crimea.

In truth, this is the consequence of slavery that Russian people cannot break. Artists came out on Bolotnaya Street, got beaten sense into, and went home. Students came out on Maidan street, and after a week there were tens of thousands of people there. Of course, not all of them were of pure intentions, not everyone understood, they were provocated, and so on. But the fact remains that half a million people came out and said: take a hike. Anyone in office after Yanukovich, having seen this, will know that there are limits to banditry. These limits will continue to get smaller with each year, until they match the country's constitution. Now compare this to Moscow. Constitution here is frequently compared to medieval laws. You can't do this, only if the lord allows it, go to jail for that, give me your business, why do you need it. Ukrainians rose up and said, "fuck this!" And now they're standing up for that, weapons in hands. What did Russia do? It welcomed into its fold the man who ran from his own people [Yanukovich, impeached Ukrainian president -- t.n.]. Maybe that man has something to say about Putin and other shady business. What decent country is going to protect a bandit who has committed crimes upon his people and his country? Obviously not one where everything is as it should be.

I used to think that all this evil stemmed from Kremlin. Then, in the last three months, I saw how much shit is boiling in the heads of my friends, whom I considered of sound mind. I have listed five reasons with which a Russian justifies his approval of the war with Ukraine. I could find more reasons, all of which will defy logic. There are, however, three kinds of people with legitimate cause to support this war. If you want to make your fortune on robbing Crimea, you are not an idiot, you are a thief. If you want to divert attention from failing economy and boost your ratings on account of attacking another country, you are not an idiot, you are soon to be an afternote in the history books ending with the words "died in prison". If you are playing Civilization: Russia, you are not an idiot, you are playing. Now, all those who remain, it's time to stop playing and stop letting the government play. I am convinced that Putin is our president, because the adoptions of Berkut, the fifth columns, and the recolouring of boundaries on maps is giving a good chunk of the herd a major boner. And for the first time in my life, I realized this isn't going to change in my lifetime. I don't want imperialistic plans, I want to drive on a road without cracks. I don't want Crimea, I want to have faith in products I buy at the store. I am not afraid of NATO bordering Russia, because it's impossible to take more from the country than Putin and Friends already are. I just want to live, earn, spend, and take care of myself and those close to me. I think there's about twenty percent of you who are like that. Really, there are more, but many are still in the reflection phase, cheering on because everyone else is.

It's possible that with what's going on in Ukraine, there's a chance for us. If Ukraine perseveres, if it retains free press, laws which don't get rewritten daily to be more oppressive, then it won't be a bad place to live. Kiev is nicer than Moscow, good cuisine, low prices. Russians and Ukrainians will always understand each other in daily life, because so much ties us together. The climate is good and will stay good. Europe is closer geographically, and if Ukraine gets its laws in order, then it's closer culturally, too. Anyone who's been to Europe will be very aware of how his homeland will greet him. And maybe people will move. Me, for example. I was born in the USSR, for me it's a home. Not a great one, but a home. And I'd be happy to stay here and change things, but, as I understand now, people like myself are a minority in my country; the rest rot ever so faster to shit. IMHO. I just hope there isn't a war.

- Dark_dark_voron


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Sun Apr 27, 2014 1:08 pm
AstralHunter wrote a review...



James Hunt, pleased to meet your acquaintance.

I always enjoy translating texts into English, but it is rather annoying when people translate incorrectly. Sometimes it's amusing though, as they can write the most absurd and hilarious things imaginable! I hope yours is not one of those cases, but we shall have to see.


...so many lies from the government have been brought to surface, that it seems pointless to add anything on top.

Perhaps not the best wording... I'd have preferred "to those".

To fix this is insane money. To fix this is insane spending, moreso than the Sochi Olympics and World Championship 2018.

For so serious a discussion, I do not think the usage of insane is appropriate. Also, it is poorly stated. I think "To fix this would cost an exorbitant amount of money" would work better.

If they had that spirit, they would have already broken away or built decent decent beaches and hotels.

The first two underlines words need to swap places and the repetition later in the same sentence should be done away with. (I am aware that I have ended my sentence with a preposition and I would appreciate any suggestions as to how to properly phrase it.)

Of course, not all of them were of pure intentions, not everyone understood, they were provocated, and so on.

I believe you meant provoked.


Overall, I think you did an excellent job at translating this text from Russian to English. The swearing is distasteful, but that is not your fault, and anyway, it succeeds in communicating the original author's views on the topic. Well done.

Rating for this text: four stars (fantastic)




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Sun Apr 20, 2014 8:37 pm
Aley wrote a review...



Because this is not your article, it's going to be sort of hard to review, so I'll instead review the clarity to an English reader. This will probably be pretty short so because it WILL be a review, even if short, I will probably pad it a bit.

I read this over on a handheld, so this is going to take a little searching to find what I want to say.

They tout the threat of Ukrainian fascists. Russia touts it. Russia, where over almost every nationalist's territory there is a swastika, where foreigners' throats are slashed, where "Jew" is a swear word as far as half the population is concerned, where everyone else is a khokhol, churka, tatarva, slant-eyes, beasts -- a ton of great epithets for all other nationalities.
You have links for khokhol, and churka, but I'd also like a link for tatarva. I think it's a people? I'm not 100% sure because of how many variations of 'tatar' are in this document.

I'll remind those who are convinced by the might of the Russian military that anti-air defense covers only Moscow.
this would sound better as "only covers."

And I'd be happy to stay here and change things, but, as I understand now, people like myself are a minority in my country; the rest rot ever so faster to shit.
Ever so faster is awkward. I'm not sure if it's just translation or if there's no better way to translate it, but it is awkward.

Last one:
If they had that spirit, they would have already broken away or built decent decent beaches and hotels.
double decent in this sentence.

Final Note: I understand that this is a translation so I didn't pick up on any of the actual paper elements, but I really appreciate you sharing this with us and I'd like to see it perfect.





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