Your bellies torn open,
you're ripped limb from limb.
The zombies move closer,
guts are hanging from their chins.
Your skull is bludgeoned open,
fresh blood sparks their thirst.
Brain matter dissected,
they have done the worst.
Unquenchable hunger,
unreachable goal.
Onwards they shamble,
your skulls serve as bowls.
Where did they come from,
these corpses of Hell?
Your numbers diminish,
as their dark horde swells.
No sin has been committed,
but no innocent is spared.
They're here to eat your brains,
and who's brains they do not care.
Half rotten eyes are useless,
they have unheard of senses.
Your sweet flesh's detected fast,
the horde smashes through fences.
Tackled by the mob,
your screams are muffled by their moans.
They gouge your eyes out first,
then their teeth grind on your bones.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,753 Reviews
Bloody brilliant, mate. *likes*
Happy sushi!
First of all, a little typo!
who's brains <-- should be "whose brains"
With that said, I think your ordering is off! You have them bash open your head so that your brains are exposed... this would kill somebody! And then you have them gouge open your eyes and grind your bones? You would be dead! Plus, your belly is ripped open...
I don't know! What I think I'm trying to say that second person point of view is not very effective here.
Also, I love the physicality of this poem! But I would also love to go inside their brains as well... the people that are being eaten by zombies, anyway.
I love zombie stories and this was good!
Hi! So I really like your song. It was so creative. I think it's really cool that you wrote about a zombie attack because it seems like so many songs today are all about love or the lack there of or of some inner pain. I am in agreement though that it would be easier to read if you separated it into stanzas. I also commend you on thinking up so many words that describe a group of zombies. "horde, mob, etc." Great work!
This made me smile. It's nice to see something different every once in a while. Just a few little nit-picks.
The first is capitalization, which is mainly me being kind of O.C.D. The second is punctuation. Technically I don't think you need any since these are lyrics, however, it's always nice to have because it makes your work easier to read, and brings the quality of your work up just a little.
One last suggestion would be to separate this into stanzas, or I think it's verses since this is technically lyrics. The reason I say this is because your rhyme scheme was good, but because you just had line after line it was hard to find going back. I would maybe just separate every four lines into it's own verse, and it'll be a little easier to see the rhyming.
This really was very clever, and kind of made my day.
Hi real cool
i just found a few spelling mistakes that i've corrected here for you...