Sometimes I feel like my words should be put in a fucking creed,
but it'd be a creed fit for black mass for all the truth behind my verbose lies.
My lies aren't meant to hurt you,
they're meant to console,
for selfish reasons.
Like an electric fence you're getting closer and closer to touching,
the ideas consume as they kiss,
and while your heart basks in the flames of love,
when we do alike as the ideas,
my heart is run over repeatedly by a heavy vehicle
while it sits on a street corner
waiting for the one who's finally able to carry it home.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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The rating should have been 16..not 18. It's an okay lyric/poem as well.
I liked the idea of the poem, as I thought I can relate to it but your in danger of hiding the meaning of the poem under too much symbolism. You don't want to bury the meaning. Allot of the metaphors in the poem did not make sense because they all seeme to be jumbled together. I liked how you wrote it though and I stll think it was a good effort.
I like it. Could you possibly be dealing with some relationship problems? it seems like the anger and or sadness you infused is real. Well done. Keep writing:)